Chinese Consulate, New Delhi: A joint China-Pak think-tank called RANDI has been making news throughout the South-East Asian sub-continent. All the major super-powers in the region have started to evaluate their next steps in reciprocation to this Geo-political event.
Leaked government tapes have revealed that BJP government is secretly planning to deploy Congress son-in-law Rober Vadra at the North-East border to get back the lands which are encroached upon by China.
Vadra has been reportedly chosen for this task owing to his core-competency of legally obtaining a piece of land and register it in his name regardless of whoever the actual owner/claimant is. Below is a leaked transcript of telephone conversation between and Indian and Chinese diplomat, which reveals these details.
Chinese Diplomat: Why this urgent call, OVER.
Indian Diplomat: Not urgent just wanted to chat, OVER.
CD: Chat, ok, we are always open to talks and chats. OVER.
ID: Well we can stop saying “over” after every sentence, this is a secure line.
ID: How are your daughter and son-in-law doing? heard they were married recently, got your invitation sorry I could not attend.
CD: Yeah they are both honeymooning in Shanghai. .. wait why you discussing my daughter and son-in-law?
ID: Sorry, just some usual ice-breaker talks. Talking about son-in-laws, I remembered I wanted to tell you one thing. You guys can forget your interests in North-east India now.
CD: What why? Is your government planning any military offensive?
ID: It’s more than a military offensive brother … but really? You don’t know until now? You have significant intelligence presence in our country. I am sure you would have known before I came to know.
CD: Hmm, I know.
[Uncomfortable silence for a few seconds] CD: [Slow voice] Is he that bad?
ID: Yes. He is a badass. Millions of hectares, overnight. Gone.
CD: Oh Mao.
ID: Yeah. He has encroached 3 times the area in Haryana in last 10 years than the total area your country has encroached anywhere in last 60 years.
CD: Oh Mao.
ID: He is coming and there is nothing you can do.
CD: What rubbish. We have a complete army.
ID: And we have Hulk .. I mean we have Vadra
CD: Ox-crap. What does he want?
ID: Earth and water ..
ID: Ok kidding, only earth, he wants only earth.
CD: Quit joking. What does he actually do, how does he operate? We build airports and roads in the land which we get into.
ID: Oh he works in mysterious ways buddy. He would come wearing his big sun-glasses and well-ironed suits. And next you see, he is walking away with your land deeds and papers.
CD: Wait is this an official threat from you to us? In that case I’ll have to inform my embassy.
ID: No brother, there is nothing official about him.
CD: Just hold on for a moment … I am getting a fax ……
CD: Our office at Indo-China border has just received a fax from a big international legal firm saying that one particular portion of land does not belong to us and we have to vacate that part within 15 days? This legal firm has even sent us stamped documents signed by our own Premier saying that this land belongs to someone by name …
ID: Someone by name?
CD: Oh my God. You were right. He is good, he has already started.
ID: Told you so. He is arriving … hectare by hectare… plot by plot.
CD: Gotta go. We have an emergency meeting planned around this fax.
ID: Sure, but I am really curious how a Chinese wedding looks. Please share the pics of your daughter’s wedding on FB, I have sent you a friend request.
CD: Shhh, how did you know I have an FB account, it’s banned here in China.
ID: Oh sorry, see you later then. Bye