Wednesday, 13th December, 2017

US FDA finds Baba Ramdev’s Patanjali 'Maida' noodles unfit for consumption

17, Nov 2015 By alien4dec

Turkey: Speaking to our Faking News correspondent Dhobi at the G20 summit, President Barack Obama said, “We’ll do what is required to keep the America safe”.

NRI Prime Marketer of India NaMo is a frequent flier to top global economies for promotion of Patanjali products. I had a close meeting with Putin and advised him to never ‘Put-In’ these products in Russia. The strategy that we are putting forward is the strategy that is ultimately going to work”, the president told our reporter.

“Its as safe as Yoga”: Baba Ramdev

The US food safety regulator has banned all the variants of Baba Ramdev’s Patanjali ‘Maida’ noodles, after high levels of MSG-1 and MSG-2 VCD’s were found inside the noodle pack as taste enhancers.

The authorities have strictly declared sale and consumption of these noodles “unsafe and hazardous” for children and all age groups.

Baba Ramdev, however dismissed the charges, asserting that its completely safe and complied with the “law of the land”. USA and Canada are majorly inhabited with our Punjabi folks who have a diehard love for their land – India and so by adding MSG – VCDs to noodle packs we are just complying all the laws of the land.

In our next variant we shall even add autographed copies of Sunny Deol’s Indian and Border.

During the visit of Silent Manmohan Singh in USA, Patanjali didn’t receive any signals from NASA but now even Mangalyaan from Mars is sending us signals to launch these products in space.

Alien PK relished Baba Ramdev’s Patanjali ‘Maida’ noodles so much that while returning back to his Gola, he carried two trunk full of noodle packs for other aliens. PK has even invited NaMo to visit his Gola for New Year.

Engineering Hostel student, Prem ordered 50 packs of Patanjali Noodles to propose his girl friend Katrina through Snapdeal and Katrina accepted his proposal.

Lazy mothers are happy with the launch of our noodles. Farah Khan is our brand ambassador and for her we have even re-marketed the BOGO (Buy One Get One) to BOGT (Buy One Get Ten ) free offer. Three for her kids and rest for her.

The company had sales turnover of Rs. 1000 crore only through sale of noodle, of which Rs.50 crore sale comes exclusively from our brand ambassador Farah Khan. ‘Love Charger’ from MSG was choreographed by Farah Khan after eating our noodles.

Baba Ramdev ferociously in a defensive mode said even after consumption of our products, if Farah Khan is fit and dances to the tune of MSG, then how can POTUS boycott our products ? “Our noodles are 100% safe and all the pesticide banned in USA are added with extra DDT to enhance the Indian appetite”.

Ramdev further added, the company Patanajali Ayurved would also foray into Ayurved Beer and shall launch it on Christmas Eve in Goa.