Tuesday, 27th June, 2017

Tired of beheading humans, ISIS terrorist applies for a job at a Washington based slaughterhouse

09, Oct 2014 By ajeeb

Washington, D.C: ISIS, an organization, frontiers of terrorism, working for 72 virgins a holy cause has again stolen the attention of humans around the globe via an epic controversy by one of their beheader beloved members, Cir-Haq-Ukhedi (CHU).

This kind of photoshopped images were found in CHU's Mac Book
This kind of photoshopped images were found in CHU’s MacBook

If a news report from a leading newspaper is to be believed, CHU was unreportedly been missing from the past few days from an undisclosed ISIS bunker in a secular country.

After a brief search, obviously it was already known found out that he is in the states which are united. “He is strategically willingly about to join a Washington based slaughter house as he is pissed off of beheading humans,” disclosed Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi, the ISIS leader.

“Nowadays, who wants to kill work for 72 virgins a holy mission, everybody is getting what they want on this destructible thing ‘Earth’, People are taking off their belief from heaven. Allah k bandey (God’s people) is converging towards haram and are diverging from terrorism us. Everyone including me wants a bank balance to enjoy upon the interest, which is Haram. Now, time has come to develop a new set of theory to lure people,” he continued.

The President, Barack Hussein Obama, was approached by us to discuss the initiatives he is about to put forward in the queue of this matter, calmly he said, “We don’t accept terrorists, Oil our peoples’ safety is our first priority. CHU has already been summoned by our district court, only if he is ready to provide us with the foxholes of oil terrorists beheading innocent people, he can work with any agency linked to our country. It is similar to your prime ministers’ decision of not charging any ISIS members returning back.”

Mr. CHU when approached and inquired about this bold decision of his, in a fake American accent, he said, “First of all, I was bored of putting up a mask in a video that gained tremendous attention throughout the globe, I didn’t get no publicity dude. I was also not being paid much, leave the virgins the undisclosed deserted place I was living in was only full of masked men. Here, in the states there so many hot chicks around to flirt with and who don’t want dollars. I am well experienced in butchering humans, now it is time to earn from the gained experience. I am simply moving on to live a different life, don’t make it an issue, you may go into hell for this haram deed, after all I am a gods’ person.”

Meanwhile, there are rumors spreading that, CHU actually slipped off from the ‘IS land’ to ‘The States’ because his feet lacked friction caused by the oil found in the area he was hiding.