This piece is written as a retort to an article titled ” The Assam Rape Festival In India Begins This Week”, which has been doing rounds in World media and thus drawing attention of the Indian Media.
LA, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA— Men/ Women/ Kids / GrandParents in US are already beginning to celebrate as the annual LA Find-Your-Dad Festival is just days away. Every living American citizen age 2-82 will have ‘the’ chance to find their real dad.
Dick Burns who heads up the annual festival told reporters why the event is so important. “This is a long time tradition in LA dating back tens of years,” says Burns. “Most of us have no !dea who is our dad or to be precise who is our real dad. This is an opportunity for all of us to connect with our roots which the world thinks are rotten .”
The LA Festival began in 1950s when the Baby Boomer generation started reaping the benefits, which led to several surprise child births, most of them attributed to alcohol. According to the legend, William Thomas Ford aka WTF started this when he got piss drunk. WTF is remembered every year at this event, in fact the trophy given to the person with the most accurate Dad and Grand-dad combination is called “The Real WTF”.
74-year-old Sophia Helen Isla Thompson aka SHIT told reporters that she has been learning about DNA tests all year for this event. “I’m going to get the most accurate combination this year. I’ve been practicing all year. I have done DNA test of my family / plumber / gardener / pizza delivery boy and everyone who has ever visited my place. I will be FYD superstar number one! I will get The Real WTF prize this year for sure!”
35-year-old Lust Garten from Toronto who is visiting LA on business told reporters s/he will be missing the festivities this year. “My company did not tell me anything about a FYD festival happening while I was here. Are you serious, an FYD festival? I’m getting the f*ck out of this country tonight, as i have to start something similar in my country too.”
US is first in the world when it comes to not-knowing-your-real-dad, only behind the United States, though critics are quick to point out that is only because most dads in United States go unreported.
For more information about the festival or if you would like to participate ( so as to learn more about the local culture), please call the 24-hour US FYD Festival hotline at 1800-FYD-6969.