Balochistan: Senior Taliban leaders who gathered at Pakistan’s Republic Day celebrations on March 23 submitted a petition requesting Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif to hand over 10 nuclear warheads with complimentary missiles to them to aid in their latest plot against India. This petition was signed by leaders of major terrorist organizations from around the world in return for a certain share of warheads to each of them.
Commanders of self-proclaimed ‘Jihadist’ organizations like Al-Qaeda, Boko Haram, Al-Nusra Front and Hezbollah have claimed signing the petition on their social media profiles, pages and handles using hash tags like #NuclearBoom #KafirsGoneDead #WMDism #LolObama #IronDomeDown #WeWantKashmir
Reports from Islamabad claim that even the sworn enemy of the Taliban, the Islamic State (ISIS) has signed this landmark petition. This demand, in fact this sort of terrorist co-operation on an international stage has worried military experts across the board who expect an attack anytime now.
Famous terrorist diva Al-Zawahiri, in his latest video appearance, has curiously also quoted a line from Noah, a movie about the Bible. ‘Damned if I don’t take what I want.’ His intent appears unclear but it is quite apparent that he was very moved by Ray Winstone’s character, the villain in the film.
Jihadi John, the ISIS execution expert from UK says, “It’s jolly good mate. So we had to join hands with those poor buggers from the Afghanistan border for this, but I suppose it’ll pan out very well. Sharif’s not half bad; he’ll give those nukes to us. Now, I’ve got a couple of beheadings before lunch so good day to you sir.”
Nations currently engaged in battling these terrorist organizations have expressed outrage and worry. The Indian Defence Ministry meanwhile has expressed ‘serious concern’ over this matter. Indian Union Minister for Defence Manohar Parrikar said, “Our boys are doing a good job at the border so no need to worry. If you need more details, go to Rajnath Singh, he just had a chat with the people over at BSF.” Reacting on this, the Indian Armed Forces staff sang it in such unison that could possibly be the envy of the cast of Glee. They said, “Bring it on!”
US President Barrack Obama, in a televised address to the nation assured the people of the States and the citizens of the world that he would do everything in his position as the ‘Protector of the Free World’ to make sure this radioactive threat was buried in its grave and that he was in talks with Pakistani Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif to convince him not to hand over the weapons without first consulting the Ayatollah of Iran, President Bashar Al-Assad of Syria and Russian President Vladimir Putin. Even though PM Sharif was inclined towards giving the terrorists what they wanted, German Chancellor Angela Merkel and UK Prime minister David Cameron were flying to Islamabad along with US Secretary of State John Kerry to convince him for dropping the idea.
Creating a hash tag #NukeSoNotCool on Twitter; the Japanese PM Shinzo Abe, towards his efforts to world peace has sent over the videos to Pakistan, of Hiroshima and Nagasaki being blown to the moon by US atomic bombs.
Benjamin Netanyahu, the Israeli PM said, “Let’s just bomb all of them! I’d like to propose an emergency meeting of the United Nations where I will declare my intent to blow up Pakistan before they deliver nuclear weapons to the terrorists. I want permission from the Ayatollah to fly over Iranian airspace for my bombing spree. The Iron Dome missile defense wasn’t meant for nuclear weapons! I think these terrorists are just Neo-Nazis or something. Merkel, do something! Obama, I’m not talking to you.”
Pakistani PM Nawaz Sharif has declined to comment on the matter and his spokesperson assured the media that the parliament was deliberating on the subject and a decision would only be made after discussing all aspects of the nuclear request.