Monday, 20th November, 2017

Sorry, 2012 was a false alarm! Get back to work people!

09, Nov 2012 By Tarang

Well! Well! Well! So the 2012 mystery resolves itself. The 2012 doom was proven a false alarm in the light of the evidence that the drafters of Mayan calendar were simply too lazy and tired to continue the calendar after 21st December 2012. Moreover paper at those times was a rare and precious commodity. Some even believe that the drafters were murdered in cold blood by the local population of the calendar drafting village, seeing such a waste of ‘paper’.

In the light of this latest evidence, the people got Roland Emmerich surrounded demanding a compensation for their time and fortune spent in seeing the movie, 2012. The director clarified that he too was blown in the wind and that he’s very sorry for making a pointless movie. Also, there is a widespread anger among the people who made a fortune exploiting this very concept of ‘Doomsday’. Sorry people, life is not fair, it simply never is.

This has also given the people a chance to mock American government’s tendency to get alarmed by such silly rumours given that they spent a great deal of resources to prepare themselves from the ‘catastrophe’. The multi-million dollar bunkers that they made hundreds of feet underground are now in the process of being soil filled as they simply cannot waste a precious resource of land on these things. Explaining their behaviour over such a massive waste of resource, the American government said and I quote “We simply cannot sit when these new discoveries come to light, even though it’s a rumour. We cannot take anything lightly. We have to show we are the best at all times and act before anyone else does. We are no short of money and resources; after all there are many other countries who are to be put right.” We presume ‘Iraq’ was subtextual.

Coming back to the impact on common people of this new discovery, there seems to be a mixed response. Some, who were too intimidated by this concept and spent a significant amount of their fortune, are in consternation. They have put the blame of this ‘future crisis’ they’ll likely face on the media. An old man, who dropped his beer while watching TV at a local joint exclaimed “It all seemed so happening! What am I gonna do now!”.