Sunday, 22nd October, 2017

Seculars in India celebrate the announcement of Caliphate

01, Jul 2014 By manithan

New Delhi: It was celebrations galore in the heart of the capital city of India. Intellectuals, liberals and seculars were parading through the roads, bursting crackers, distributing shawarma and dancing around the street corners.

The celebrations happened after Abu Bakr al-Bagdhadhi was declared the Caliph and the erstwhile Caliphate was restored back after nearly a century.

Osama Bin Laden, who dreamt of Caliphate, now playing football in heaven. His first expression after he heard of the new Caliphate.

Salil PathiPathiPathi , a notable historian,was very jubilant. He said, “Today is the day. June 30 will go down history as the day the world awoke to its reality. We have to embrace the tooth..er..truth. I had been dreaming of this day, ever since I read about Caliphs in history books. Ottoman Turks were so sweet. They killed few communals in the past, but gave us the delicious Briyani. I’m waiting for this caliphs to give some new food item.”

News channels were seen celebrating the news of Caliphate declarations. Rajdeep Hardesia was seen partying in the studio with his Old monk. Later in the night, he tweeted, “Worldwide khalifa, we work for it from alif ah.. shubrathri..gnight”

Sagarika Dhose was very happy and it reflected in her series of tweets. In one of her tweets, she had said, “Bagdhadhi should visit India and make this place secular. #CaliphateRestored”

Indian historians now claim that the old Caliphs are synonymous to Buddha in peace and to Mother Teresa for their caring and they never invaded any country. It is those communal subjects in those invaded countries who beheaded themselves to receive those caliphs. They also confirm that the new Caliph already showed his non-violence agenda in the recent Iraqi peace war.

Apart from intellectuals and seculars, it was Gandhi followers who were in cloud nine. One of Gandhi’s ardent follower told, “This 2014 is the year Gandhiji should have lived to see his wishes getting fulfilled. One of his wish, Congress-mukt Bharat came true this year. And within a month, his another wish, the coming back of Khilafat, came true. The Khilafat movement, which he earnestly supported, has found its solution. Gandhiji must be happy in heavens today. We are so happy,” saying thus, he broke into silent cry.

Indian atheists both online and offline were secretly celebrating this victory, as they are sure that ISIS and the new Caliph will liberate India from Hinduism, which is the only false religion with superstitious beliefs in the world. Terrace Paul, one of the atheists said, “We welcome ISIS with open hands. They are here to make everyone secular. We have to remove the influence of the RSS from India and ISIS is the only solution.”