Riyadh: King Salman, the custodian of the two mosques and the new monarch of Saudi Arabia has decided to follow in the illustrious footsteps of his father (the dude who conquered the desert) and invade Iran. King Abdullah, the previous ruler and Salman’s elder brother also hated the Ayatollah’s guts and in a landmark announcement, gave permissions to the Israeli Air Force to fly over Arabian airspace to attack Iranian nuclear sites.
The Israelis didn’t actually do it but the then President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad and the eternal ruler Ayatollah Khameini did shit their pants when he heard that Jewish missiles could blow up their so-called atomic weapons even before they could figure out why Uranium238 had to have a number in its name.
King Salman believes Iran is secretly supporting the Houthi rebels who are trying to overthrow the Yemeni government and seize control of the capital Sanaa. The Saudi government claims to have found evidence supporting these claims after the arrest of 25 camel drivers of a caravan traversing the desert to reach Yemen. They have found swords, spears, bows and bright red feathered arrows; all bearing the nuclear radioactive mark along and very suspiciously, the flag of Iran. The camel drivers claim to be Saddam Hussain’s henchmen but Saudi authorities seem skeptical of the idea maybe because Saddam was killed by the US in 2006.
Here is what the Royal spokesperson of the Palace of Saudi Arabia had to say. “We have arrested 25 camel drivers in the desert who, after their interrogation, will be killed with the very weapons they were smuggling and then they will be transported by cargo plane and dropped over Tehran as a warning not to try anything like this again.”
Our reporter in Iran, Rasik Sheikh, who was arrested by the military police for listening to Eminem in a public park, managed to get the following message out. “The situation is very bad. The army is ramping up efforts at the Saudi border and the authorities have stopped cutting off hands and legs of political prisoners because they are busy with the war effort. The Ayatollah’s sharks haven’t fed for three days! It’s a serious development and should be treated.”
Yemeni President Abed Rabbo Mansour, who fled the country on March 25, has begged the Saudi monarch to nuke the Houthi stronghold to the sky. Embarrassingly, Saudi Arabia has no nuclear weapons to speak of and Pakistan will not lend them any unless Uncle Sam gives them the go ahead. Israel, as a show of goodwill to the only Islamic nation to have friendly relations with them has offered King Salman to nuke Yemen for them.
World leaders have expressed serious concern at another war that has now begun in the already volatile region. US President Barack Obama says, “Looking at the grave state of affairs in the Middle-East, I consulted with former presidents yesterday and though it is an unorthodox method of taking important world-changing decisions from retired politicians whiling their time away playing golf, President George W Bush made an important point. He said that there was hardly any oil in Yemen. So we have decided to sit this one out and let Saudi Arabia take the lead on this one. We can’t risk any more American lives fighting others wars for them.”
Saudi Arabia meanwhile seems stoked at the opportunity of war after such a long time and is committing all of their forces to the invasion of Iran, Yemen be damned.