Tuesday, 12th December, 2017

Russia’s new tanks don’t work; will sell them to India – Putin

11, May 2015 By brendan9

Moscow: The T-14 Main Battle Talk (MBT) and other armoured vehicles based on the same chassis were the centrepieces of the Victory Day parade across the Kremlin. Driven at the helm of 16,000 soldiers and a large display of other instruments of war, the T-14 Universal Combat Platform stole the show by its very dramatic stall in front of Stalin’s mausoleum. President Putin was later heard discussing the possibility of the sale of these tanks to India with President Mukherjee.

Celebrations of the 70th anniversary of Hitler’s defeat in World War II in the Russia capital came into the headlines first for Western leaders declining to attend, second for Kim Jong-un accepting the invitation, third for Kim Jong-un changing his mind, fourth for Putin thinking about riding the new tank shirtless and fifth for the ‘most advanced battle tank the world has ever seen’… stopping in the middle of the rehearsal parade.

The $8 million piece of scrap metal

The government later issued a statement saying that the tank was deliberately stalled to practice evacuation of machinery in an emergency. This did nothing to stop Obama, Merkel, Cameron and Hollande from laughing their asses off when they were just minutes away from shitting their pants at the sheer awesomeness with a cannon rolling through the Kremlin. World leaders have suffered from a constant case of diarrhoea for some time now since they expected these new tanks to roll through Europe at the head of the Red Army.

Indian PM Modi meanwhile seems exhilarated at the prospect of purchasing these new tanks. In a press conference held in Rwanda (yes, that’s a real country)where he is on a diplomatic visit after Brunei, Papua New Guinea, Samoa and the Marshall Islands, he said, “Mitron, we have begun talks with the Russian government about buying these tanks which have a very minor fault of not moving at all. We will purchase the whole batch of 2,300 tanks at $8.5 million per piece. It is a better deal than we got when the UPA government bought the burnt aircraft carrier, Admiral Gorshkov.”

Military analysts and defence experts across the globe are wondering why India is ready to pay a million dollars more per faulty tank than its real price but Defence Minister Parrikar says, “It is India’s contribution to Russia’s Reunify the Soviet Union by Force Foundation.”

PM Modi will be flying to Moscow directly from Rwanda on Monday for a ‘Chai pe Charcha’ session with President Putin.