Kasargod: To avoid confusion over different rate cards across different states in India and to enable faster conversion at an optimal benefit, Caliphate Converters of India (CCI) has urged their masters in Syria to implement a uniform rate card for converting girls.
Times Now had reported about Rate Card used by ISIS to convert and recruit girls from India. While the news and not the issue was condemned all round by Indian Liberals and Seculars, we spoke to one such Caliphate Converter in Gaza (not the one putting children before bombs) who shared us an interesting development in the issue.
He said, “The Rate Card issue is a big headache. In Kerala, we get only 5 lakhs for a Christian girl, but in Goa, we get 8 lakhs. They say that the Attraction, Seduction and Secularisation (ASS) charges are higher in Goa because our peaceful volunteers have to take such girls to casinos in ships and high-end pubs to seduce and retain them. Fine that, but the profit for fetching Brahmin girl in TamilNadu is far lesser than in Karnataka. Again, the top command says that Tamil Brahmin girls are easy to be converted because they are already closet Communists. This kind of different rates in different states makes us scratch our heads in confusion.”
“So, we have requested our Finance Head Al Haroon Al Jat Ali to work at a uniform rate for girls across India.”, continued the man from the unknown community, “Because, if our talented recruiters elope with Brahmin girl from Maharashtra and end up in Rajasthan, we have to get less profit. This results in less money used for attracting them. Our employees might not be able to lengthen their manhood in 15 days by 3 inches if their profit gets lowered. Then, they will become like other infidel men and might not be able to seduce infidel women. This, in turn, will affect the influx in Syria.”
When asked about interest in girls over boys, the man whose grandfather was a school principal said, “Our toilets in Syria and Iraq are clean, thanks to the boys we recruited. But, our living rooms are messier. That is why, we need girls from Hind.”