In a rather dramatic departure from the norm, the Pulitzer Prize for Journalism was awarded to a team of principled journalists for their detailed and boring articles on the NSA’s surveillance activities.
The reporters from The Guardian and The Washington Post faced stiff competition from Buzzfeed’s groundbreaking list of the “23 Best Lunchtime Snacks Of All Time” and People Magazine’s cutting edge reporting that broke the news of Kanye West’s baby name (North, in case you are interested).
The Pulitzer Committee confirmed that they had no choice but to pick the NSA stories. “It was the only way to ensure the Pulitzer Prizes did not become less prestigious than the Teen Choice Awards”, said the official statement, tinged with regret.
Reacting to his win, Glenn Greenwald of The Guardian said that he was “honoured” that his disclosures were recognized despite the public’s clear preference to rather not know about any of this stuff. “I put my life in danger to report on stories to a general population that is more interested in the result of last night’s Lakers game. I would look like a damn fool right now, if not for this award” he added.
Greenwald promised that there were more dramatic revelations to come, starting with Michelle Obama’s iPod playlist and Bill Clinton’s OKCupid password.
In a written statement from Moscow, Edward Snowden said – “I feel extremely gratified to have sparked off a vital debate among the public about whether I should be labelled a traitor, patriot, whistle-blower or lion tamer. I also feel truly vindicated in my decision to give up my 150k salary job, beach house in Hawaii and surfer girlfriend and live as a refugee in Russia for the rest of my life. I don’t want to kill myself at all. Don’t worry about me, I’m doing just fine”.
James Clapper, the head of the NSA who was caught lying to Congress about its activities, said he was disappointed but “not at all surprised” about the Pulitzer Committee’s decision. “But not because we’ve hacked into their servers or anything”, he rushed to add, somewhat red-faced.