Melbourne: Reports of a coup by a member of the British royal household are coming to light from Australia even as Queen Elizabeth II fights death and kicks him in the balls every single day. Reports suggest that Prince Harry, the younger son of the heir-apparent, Prince Charles, and the grandson of the monarch has seized control of the Commonwealth nation of Australia and apparently declared himself King.
In an official communique to the world media, the ‘Royal Rebel’ as he is being called, has issued his official title after snatching power from under his grandmother’s nose. He has asked to be addressed as His Majesty King Henry of the Land Down Under, Lord of New Zealand, Overseer of the general Oceania vicinity, Protector of Kangaroos and Great Commander of the Australian Defence Forces.
This surprise move by the Prince is being heralded as a rebellion against Queen and country and there are calls to declare the Prince a traitor to the British Empire. Both houses of the British Parliament are up in arms about this coup and have declared his actions as not being jolly good at all.
Prince Charles, heir-apparent to the British throne, from his vacation home in the Carpathian mountains, says, “I always knew the boy was smart but I must admit, even I didn’t see this coming! I must say that he’s caught opportunity by the balls. Heck, even I’m going to accept the Romanian crown because I know it’s no use waiting for this old lady to die as long as people keep singing ‘Long live the Queen’. To put it in perspective, I’ve been waiting to become King for so long that even my son has lost his hair.”
Reports also suggest a larger conspiracy at hand against the ageing monarch who won’t pass the crown. Various reports have disclosed that James Bond, Johnny English, Magneto, Superman, the Amazing Spiderman and even Harry Potter who are of British origin have refused to side with their Queen, instead opting for Australian citizenship under the ‘Royal Rebel’. Meanwhile, Wolverine, a native of Australia, asked the Kingsmen who came to recruit him to f**k off.
The entire Australian Defence Force has thrown its support behind the ‘Lieutenant’ as they fondly refer to their upstart leader. The Governor-General, who represents the Queen in Australia has been in hiding and is presumed to be gathering loyalists to resist the hostile takeover till the British army arrives, which it probably won’t, because Parliament is still debating how the gentle, kind and loving second son who was never going to get the throne managed to ridicule the empire by claiming two whole countries without firing a single shot.
After claiming a complete and utter victory over an old lady, the ‘Royal Rebel’ now plans to seize another commonwealth nation from his family in the letter of intent that he issued soon after his coronation ceremony. The letter reads: ‘Next stop: Canada.’