Thursday, 22nd June, 2017

Photobombing declared illegal by UN

10, Dec 2013 By cortgordner

It is a practice that has taken place since the very first cameras were invented.  However, according to the United Nations, photobombing could land the perpetrator on a C-130 prisoner transport headed for Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.  At this time, UN education for active duty anti-terror training has issued manuals on how to identify and track down suspected photobombers.

Photobombing happens when a victim is taking a picture, focusing in on something of interest.  For example, the victim is taking a picture of his family in front of the Taj Mahal when suddenly, the perpetrator rushes in and appears in the picture in an unwanted manner, often making faces for the purpose of leaving the victims in disgust.

Photobombing can cause anxiety and fits of rage in victims, due to the malevolent nature of these attacks.  One study from the US-based Research Center For Victims of Photobombing (RCVP) suggests that photobombing can even lead to loss of bowel control, as well as obesity caused by anxious overeating.

The Photobomber Army

In recent years, the Freedom Photobomber Alliance (FPA) –a suspected arm of Al-Qaeda, has seen growing numbers.  This is largely due to the increase in numbers of smartphones and photo opportunities for victims.  Unfortunately, evidence of the attack sometimes only surfaces when it’s too late: when a victim has been tagged on Facebook.

According to the UN spokesperson, a photobomber could be anyone, even a celebrity.  Nicholas Cage and Miley Cyrus are on this list of suspects, and their attorneys have informed us that they have been taken in for questioning.

Because the UN is using CIA rendition protocol, they are able to utilize certain ‘humane’ torture methods in order to extract intelligence, which should lead anti-terror investigators directly to the head of the FPA.  This also does not exempt the two wayward photobombing celebrities, Cage and Cyrus.

We have received reports that Cyrus was forced to sing ‘Wrecking Ball’ for 30 hours straight.  While Cyrus has not divulged any information concerning her known associates, Cage was forced to listen to Cyrus.  Cage has apparently divulged the names, locations and shoe sizes of all FPA leadership.

Origin of Anti-Photobomber Operations

The beginning of the anti-photobombing effort started when President Obama was attempting to take a picture of his family on the beach in Hawaii.  The unlikely photobomber, a Dachshund named Collin, ran directly in front of the Presidential family, bombing the photo.

The President then said, “The photobomber pooch is a little terrorist!”  Flash messages were immediately sent to US embassies globally from Canada to Moscow.  NORAD was put on standby, and AfriCom went active 30 minutes later, scrambling F-22 Raptors.

Intelligence reports have confirmed that several photobombing organizations do, in fact, exist.  While the sources of these reports are still unknown, the US will likely be mounting a preemptive strike against North Korea for their suspected involvement and funding of the FPA.  Some intelligence officers have told us that Dennis Rodman is a suspected FPA agent, which is why he has made trips to see Kim Jong Un.

The President was asked the following morning after Collin photobombed the Presidential Family, concerning his thoughts on the massive global military response.  The President’s reply was, “What now?”

At this time, US-owned Predator UAV’s have destroyed 37 homes of suspected photobombers.  If they didn’t, said a NORAD spokesperson, Col. John C. Conklin, “…then the photobombers would win.”  Collin has still not yet been found and brought to justice.