Monday, 26th June, 2017

PCB launches software to 'convert' cricketers, offers discount tour packages to heaven

07, Sep 2014 By Lavkesh Singh

Lahore: The Pakistan Cricket Board today launched software to convert all cricketers into Muslim. Developed by Pakistani batsman Ahmed Shehzad, the innovative software is the first of its kind and easy to use.

A cricketer can upload his selfie, and through simple steps convert himself and go straight to heaven.

dillly-shehz-m

“The Pakistan Cricket Advisory Services was launched by our batsman Ahmed Shehzad in Dambulla, Sri Lanka. The first client was Tillakaratne Dilshan, who was offered free advice. To streamline the process, Shehzad has also developed the software which helps everyone convert to the Muslim and go straight to heaven, irrespective of what he does in his life,” said the board general manager Agha Akbar.

Agha Akbar also announced that the board was encouraging the cricketers to take up alternative jobs such as these.

“Given their performance in cricket, we have hired career counselors for our team to help them enter other jobs which can earn a livelihood. Some of our talented youngsters tired entrepreneurship in cricketers and ventured in match fixing but ended up in jail. After that we have begun to look out for safer career opportunities for our boys. For example, we have imitated sites such as Makemytrip.com and created a site called PakistanCricketHeavenTrip.com. Our cricketers are distributing pamphlets during matches to players. It offers discount packages for trips ‘straight to heaven’. Some of our boys also suggested that we offer to forge passports and get visas, but that would mean negotiating with the ISI to borrow experts in the field. That is difficult since the ISI always ‘denies’ everything.”

Ahmed Shehzad stated that he was happy he created the software, and gave the credit to the Godmen who inspired him to convert everyone, after they had talks with God.

He said that he had skipped practice sessions to develop the software, and thus didn’t mind losing the series. Asked where he got his computer science degree, he advised the journalist that not to forget that he was in Pakistan, where you don’t need education to develop a technology. Adobe Systems Inc could convert word to PDF, and so he had all the available technology to convert Dilshan and other crickets. Those who didn’t convert would have to get ready to face the fire, he clarified.

Shehzad swore he had never been to Nehru Place.

Meanwhile, the Sri Lankan cricket team has invited quotes from fire extinguisher companies and vendors to ‘face the fire’ as a precautionary measure.