Days after Chaudry Nisar Khan, Pakistan’s interior minister proudly declared that US aid to them was peanuts and US stopped further aid, a large number of NGOs that were being supplied with these peanuts have threatened to wage a war against the country if the peanut supply is not restored.
It may be pertinent to note that Mr. Khan had mentioned that the US aid of peanuts worth USD 33 billion was minuscule and Pakistan was not scared of the threat of the same being discontinued. He even mentioned that Pakistan could always pander themselves to China whenever they wanted and procure peanuts. The remarks had come in the wake of the US presidential candidate Mr. Donald Trump’s remarks that he could make Pakistan release the doctor who helped track down Osama, an NGO owner (and largest peanut consumer), in two minutes.
“We are a sovereign nation and may not be able to produce even grass but we know how to get peanuts. We may allow US drones to operate from our territory or our Army to dictate terms or for that matter even the peanut consumers to dictate terms but we do have a Prime Minister. To procure those peanuts, we can anytime sell some land in the PoK to China and voila, they will come to our rescue”, said a defiant Mr. Khan.
However, barely days after the US decided to stop supplying peanuts to Pakistan and instead dump it in Haiti to feed malnourished kids, the state-sponsored NGOs who are the biggest consumers of peanuts in Pakistan have come out in arms demanding restoration of supply. “We were raised by them on a promise that they will keep feeding us peanuts in return for being used as part of their foreign policy. And suddenly they just stopped feeding us. We will destroy them if they don’t restore the supply immediately. We need those peanuts to survive”, said the spokespersons of LeT, JuD and JeM, biggest consumers of these peanuts, in a joint press conference.
The threats by these NGOs has forced lawmakers in Pakistan to rush to China for aid. China has reportedly agreed to the demand in return for possession of the PM’s office to which Pakistan is expected to accede. Speaking at a press conference, Mr. Khan said, “We are happy that China has agreed to give us peanuts in return for the PM’s office. We don’t own it anyway as Army runs it. Moreover, it will only help us promote the work of these NGOs in India. Chinese peanuts are as good as any. “Believe me, we are and will always be a sovereign nation”, he quickly tried to assert.
The US congress, meanwhile, also said that it will not subsidize the sale of F-16s, a machine to destroy peanut parasites, and Pakistan will have to shell out more peanuts if they want to procure them. “How can we give them more peanuts? We don’t have any left after distributing it to the NGOs we sponsor. This is unfair. They can’t threaten us. We will go to China again. They will supply us with a cheap copy or reverse engineered F-16s. We just have to rename them”, was the response from Mr. Sartaj Aziz, PM’s advisor on foreign affairs. He also added (or pleaded), “We are a sovereign nation. You have to believe us. It’s true. Please believe us.”