Sunday, 24th September, 2017

Pakistan to stop sending terrorists into Kashmir

05, Apr 2017 By Nilesh Kunwar

In an unexpected move, Adviser to the Pakistan’s Prime Minister on Foreign Affairs, Mr. Sartaj Aziz has told Faking News that Islamabad would, with immediate effect, stop sending terrorists to Kashmir. Admitting that Islamabad had taken this step after hearing Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s appeal to the people of Kashmir to choose between tourism and terrorism, Aziz said that this decision had been approved by his country’s policy makers (Pakistan army).

Speaking to Faking News, Pakistan army chief Gen Qamar Javed Bajwa has confirmed this news. Reiterating that this decision was taken because Pakistan was a peace loving country with ‘zero tolerance’ for terrorism and not due to international pressure, Gen Bajwa said that this decision would usher a new era in Indo-Pak relations. Regretting that he could not elaborate further since he was extremely busy in coining new words for the next anti terror operations which would be launched soon after the ongoing one called ‘Radd-ul- Fasaad’ fails, he asked us to speak to his ISI chief Lt Gen Naveed Mukhtar instead.

Decision was made faster after a few Kashmiris were found throwing stones towards Pakistan border
Decision was made faster after a few Kashmiris were found throwing stones towards Pakistan border

When contacted, Lt Gen Mukhtar told Faking News that he was both sad and happy hearing from us. He said he was sad because since it was the ISI that was responsible for sending terrorists to Kashmir, he had expected to hear from us much earlier. However he was happy that we had contacted him rather than Inter Services Public Relations (ISPR) chief Maj Gen Asif Ghafoor who the ISI chief told us (strictly off the record) “keeps shooting his mouth off in an attempt to convey the impression that ISPR is the ‘Kingpin’ in Pakistan!”

Lt Gen Mukhtar told Faking News that henceforth the ISI would only be sending ‘tourists’ to Kashmir. “Pakistan has immense affection for the people of Kashmir since they are so naïve nice. We bully those living in Pakistan occupied Kashmir and they silently endure everything. But when some ISI thugs guys in their ‘exuberance’ exceed the limit and the locals complain, all we do is to just remind them that they are living in ‘Azad Kashmir’ and they forget all their tribulations.” He went on tell us that the Pakistan army was deeply upset about tourism being badly hit by terrorism in Kashmir and had thus decided to give this industry a boost by sending tourists across.

Under its ‘Kashmir tourism promotion programme’, all terrorists will undergo a reorientation course to convert them into tourists. They will shed their battle gear and instead wear colourful dresses, sport Ray bans and even carrying digital cameras. But in order to protect themselves from the ‘blood thirsty’ Indian security forces, these ‘tourists’ will perforce have to carry guns and grenades. When Faking News enquired as to how will the ISI ensure that these ‘tourists’ don’t turn terrorists once they reach Kashmir, Lt Gen Mukhtar said, “It is humanly impossible to prevent this but even if such a thing happens, I’m sure your government will understand and considering them to be just “misguided youth,” pardon their acts of violence.”

Meanwhile, Faking News has reliably learnt that in Kashmir, CM Mehbooba Mufti has asked the security forces to treat the ‘tourists’ coming from across the Line of Control with utmost respect and not react even if attacked by these terrorists tourists. Doing its bit coalition partner BJP has reminded security forces that they shouldn’t mind dying in order to uphold the ancient Indian saying ‘ Atithi Devo Bhava’ (The guest is equivalent to God)!