Monday, 26th June, 2017

Novel cure for Ebola virus disease found by Dinanath Batra

04, Aug 2014 By srpr

As outbreaks of Ebola continues to cause terror worldwide, one American doctor was evacuated to Atlanta for treatment. The Americans continue to use fancy medicine and big words while Indians can now sit back and relax, as a more versatile cure has been found.

It was initially discovered by lead historian Dinanath Batra. While writing his upcoming book titled, “Boycott pizzas on birthdays; eat naan rotis with palak paneer,” he stumbled upon a simple cure for the Ebola virus in one Ashoka period manuscript.

“The process is multi-fold,” Batra told Faking News, “first, we begin with a thousand chantings of the Gayatri Mantra, followed by a Durga Homa.”

While the West lugs around with Air Ambulances and isolation units, Batra has already joined hands with IIT Delhi to fabricate an efficient and portable Homa kit. One sleepy research scholar was woken up and interviewed. “Yes, yes, we have designed the kit. Talks are going on about the number of brass spoons to include for pouring oil. You see, we are going for a light-weight final prototype. We are also engaging undergraduates in this critical project.” The undergraduates could not be found and were allegedly too busy playing Counter Strike Source.

One Indian affected in Africa was already treated. Alok Nath was unanimously nominated for the mission, who graciously accepted it. On reaching Conakry, the capital of Guinea, Alok Nath was subjected to multiple checks after the airport officials flagged the Vibhuti powder and mango leaves in the kit as Class-A controlled substances.

Finally, the patient was cured with great success and has been provided a can of dahi with homam-blessed coconuts which he is to consume in regular doses during the recovery period.

Meanwhile, gemstone consultancies and numerology experts are coming up with novel preventive measures like blue sapphire rings and changing your name to Dhurandhar Bhatawdekar.