New Delhi – North Korea stunned the world yesterday when they claimed to have discovered evidence of extraterrestrial life on the moon. Their lunar module deployed on the moon’s surface at 17:34, then releasing their first lunar rover, “Imsi Gwanyeog.” Mission control from Pyongyang was very pleased with the mission’s success thus far.
“The first thing we noticed was that communication signals were curiously strong from the moon. It does not take as long to send and receive signals from the lunar surface. The Americans were lying,” commented Ri Young-A, Director of North Korean Administration of Space and Farming Supplies, or the NKASFS. The NKASFS was excited to report on the mission’s success, and they plan to do further testing on the lunar surface.
Imsi Gwanyeog, or IG, set out for its several mission objectives, which included testing gravity, testing to see if mirrors are still backwards on the lunar surface, seeking for possible uranium deposits, as well as a standing kill order on any UN nuclear arms inspection personnel found on the moon. However, its main objective was to measure the entire circumference of the moon’s surface using a highly sophisticated instrument they call a “jibaeja” – meaning “ruler” in Korean.
To accomplish this mission, the IG is projected to take 27.34 years. However, only 22 hours into the mission yesterday, the IG happened upon an alien device. The upper echelons of Pyongyang leadership have informed the public of this monumental discovery, heralding the dawning of a new era in human history.
The Alien Craft and Bizarre Transmissions
The device appears to be a spacecraft that was utilized by extraterrestrials, and it seems as if the small pod had not been stuck in the lunar dirt for very long at all. The IG was able to analyze a small metallic sample, which contained oxidization or rust. The prevailing theory is that this ship had been rusting on the moon since 1983.
Upon further inspection of the spacecraft, its appearance and function seemed eerily similar to the well-known Volkswagen Beetle from the 1980’s. While the NKASFS has not yet determined where the space thrusters are located on the pod, they were able to locate a fully functioning car air conditioning unit. This has perplexed several NKASFS experts, as the moon’s atmosphere was believed to have no air. However, if these experts do not come up with a convincing explanation soon, Pyongyang has politely threatened to execute them.
“The Americans lied to us again,” said Young-A. “They told the world that there was no oxygen on the lunar surface, and we are in the process of uncovering their lies.”
Perhaps the most exciting was the discovery that the aliens are still trying to communicate with the VW Beetle-like pod. After the IG was able to get the radio device working again, they were able to listen to alien incoming transmissions. Pyongyang has released a brief transcript of their interpretation. Curiously, the transmission was in English:
“Hey I just met you And this is crazy But here’s my number So call me maybe”
An undisclosed senior advisor of the NKASFS has commented, “We are not sure what this means, but we believe the aliens speak some form of garbled English. We are still in the process of interpreting the transmission.”
The Most Important Discovery Ever
After hearing about the transmission, the North Korean government moved to implement a full-scale military crackdown of dissenters in the country, claiming that there was a conspiracy. The Supreme Leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, has issued a 20:00 curfew for citizens.
The NKASFS just said in a recent press release that they plan on sending more rovers to the moon to analyze the alien craft, which would allow the IG to proceed with its intended mission. It is unknown how these discoveries will affect geopolitical relations with Pyongyang and the rest of the world.
As of now, the IG has left the alien pod crash site and is now resuming with its intended mission. It has already found more evidence that extraterrestrials may have lived on the moon for a time. Earlier this afternoon, the IG stumbled upon an alien sign, which says: “Welcome to Arizona: The Grand Canyon State”.
Kim Jong-un has publically declared that attacking the moon with a tactical thermonuclear strike is not out of the question, saying that he has read about a place called “Arizona” in the past. He was not fond of it.