Friday, 23rd February, 2018

NASA hires Indian scientist for a trip to the Sun

07, Aug 2016 By satani

While NASA scientists were tirelessly working for decades to develop a shield to prevent solar radiation from burning up the manned spacecraft to the Sun with no avail. Finally, in what was a proud moment for Indian nationalists, Bhakts and Gau-Rakshaks, a genius Gau-Rakshak from the Indian subcontinent has an innovative solution to this colossal problem.

Speaking of his discovery, Shankar Lal, a 76 year old prodigy spoke at a press conference. “I bought a Mycowmax phone from crapdeal and it was releasing so much radiation that my chakras were getting out of line and my Aura had left to Haura. I told myself, I will only buy an Indian phone from an Indian seller, so I didn’t return it. Desperate for an answer, I toured villages, and guess what, the answer was literally lying around me. I went like Oh My Go…! There was critical shit missing from that shitty phone — it was literally bull-shit.”

Little did the genius know of the impact of his discovery, and the crazy job offers he would soon be getting. Cowberry CEO (Cow Executing Officer) John Cow immediately contacted this genius to help him improvise the security of his phones and software services. Crapple CEO Tim Beefcook also offered him a job, without disclosing the reason, as always. However, Cowleaks founder says this has to do with another marketing plan for a cheap saffronised iPhone. It is nicknamed Gaiphone and will ship with 50 shades of cow-dung coloured back panel for the radiation phobic cow-savvy Indians. Xiaomi, desperate to copy crapple, decided to rebrand itself when it sells in the Indian market, as Xiao-moo (prounced as Shaamu).

But Shankar has ditched these offers from beef eaters into his compost pit and sealed the deal (with Cow-dung, of course, coz radiation might tamper with the deal) with NASA. “This great discovery can only be used for a voyage to meet Suryadev and do Surya-Namaskar”. He has already chosen another Indian prodigy as a copilot. Virendra Singh, who has a double doctored doctorate in biochemistry and meteorology, thanks to his thesis showing 300% oxygen emission from Yagya leading to rainfalls. Virendra plans to experimentally prove his thesis by bringing rainfall on the Sun. The duo is positive that they will Make (up bullshit) on the Sun just as easily as they make it in India.

Meanwhile, ISRO is looking to compete with NASA, stating that it has a better technique to coat the spacecraft with cow-dung. Foresighted Kejriwal has already written to the United Nations about the necessity of odd-even plan in future to manage space traffic when NASA can fly to the sun on odd days and ISRO on even days. ISRO immediately objected saying that this odd-even bullshit will not work as they can’t fly on Tuesdays (inauspicious, duh).

Ramdev is looking to patent the aeronautic-grade cow-dung under his brand Patanjali. Kejriwal is threatening to expose Ambani as the cow-dung seems to secretly allow radiations from reliance. Cow-susu Swamy has emailed UNESCO demanding that India be declared as the only radiation free country.