North Korea. In what has come as a relief to the twenty-odd nations who have spent over forty days and more money than Zambia’s GDP in looking for the missing Malaysian Airlines flight, MH370, it has recently been announced by North Korea’s Supreme Leader (pronounced lee-dull), Kim Jong-un, that he had actually hidden away the flight as a prank.
It has been gathered from a speech that was mostly lost in censorship that Mr. Kim made this declaration upon realizing that the joke had been stretched too far. ‘I was going to tell the world on April 1,’ he was quoted saying. ‘But then I thought, what the heck? Let them worry a little more.’ Even since he had completely forgotten that the flight was still in their possession.
Upon being asked about how he managed to conceal an entire aircraft and its passengers from the entire world, Mr. Kim replied candidly by saying that they had gained this experience from hiding all the nukes that they possess from the Western world. ‘We trained Houdini,’ he claimed. ‘And it’s quite simple, actually. Everyone does it. Look at the United Kingdom – they have managed to hide and entire school of magic.’
He further claimed that concealing the people was even easier. A bowl-haircut was all that it took for them to be naturalized. ‘Before long we became family,’ Mr. Kim proclaimed proudly. ‘Heard of the Stockholm syndrome? Our relationship is that on steroids. You see, anything the whites can do, North Korea can do better.’ The people who expressed their desires to return home fed to dogs on public television. ‘North Korea needs family drama once a while,’ Mr. Kim said in his defense.
He expressed sadness over having to let them go but acknowledged that the time to bid adieu had now arrived. ‘It will hurt,’ the leader mumbled in a choked voice. ‘But we’re keeping a part of the people behind; you know, for memories’ sake.’ The nation announced its plans to make disappear an entire country next. There was overwhelming belief that this could be pulled off. ‘South Korea strikes as an obvious option. But we’re in talks with Japan also,’ Mr. Kim was quoted saying. ‘After all the Hiroshima, Nagasaki, the tsunamis and the earthquakes that we have caused to them, it only makes sense for the Japs to vanish into oblivion,’ he remarked.