Monday, 21st August, 2017

Journalists allowed to make up fun stories about North Korea in lieu of salaries

16, Apr 2014 By vettiguy

Given that the news media is struggling with lower ad revenues and the disruption of traditional business models, journalists are now being offered a chance to write entirely made up but amazing sounding stories about North Korea if their newspaper can’t afford to pay salaries.

In recent times, there have been several sensational reports about the dictatorial regime that were later thoroughly debunked. While the one about North Korea sending a man to the sun was rather creative, everybody’s favourite was the one where Kim Jong Un fed his traitorous uncle to a pack of ravenous dogs.

Till now, that is. There is a new report out claiming that all men in North Korea are henceforth required to sport Kim Jong Un’s haircut. BOOM!

Kim Jong Un
Kim Jong Un giving his approval

Leaping to the defence of journalists everywhere, John Roberts of the New York Times said -‘Listen. We are suffering here. Press freedoms are being eviscerated across the globe, aspiring reporters are working as unpaid interns, narcissistic egomaniacs like Rupert Murdoch and Jeff Bezos are buying us out for pennies. The North Korea stories are the only bright spots in our lives. Please don’t take it away from us’.

‘I always wanted to be a journalist so that I could be an agent of change in the world and improve people’s lives in a meaningful way’ said another reporter. ‘But being a billionaire’s play toy and cooking up Kim Jong Un fantasies isn’t too shabby either.’

Every male having Kim Jong Un’s haircut – known as the ‘Chinese smuggler hairstyle’ – sounds pretty bad. On the upside, no one in North Korea has to ever see ‘The Trump’ or ‘The Bieber’.

A spokesman for the BBC revealed they had hyped up this fake story to see if CNN would break its relentless Malaysian plane coverage for at least 10 seconds. Sadly, it was not to be. ‘We have to hand it to CNN. They just couldn’t be distracted’ he said, admiringly.

Reacting to the story, Supreme Leader of North Korea Kim Jong Un told reporters -‘It is true. I want everyone to get my haircut. Also, go read Vettiguy’s blog and tell all your friends about it. This is my command’.