Sunday, 17th December, 2017

"ISIS haven't trolled Indian elites online yet, so they are not a big threat" - UN Report

16, Jul 2015 By manithan

Geneva: United Nations have released a report that will send heart-warming message to the ISIS fighters, shortly known as (something) State of Iraq and Syria. They have finalised that it is too soon to declare ISIS as big threat, because they have not trolled any Indian elites or journos on social media.

Jihadi John had wasted a huge portion of his life trying to behead infidels. He should have signed up on Twitter and abused Indian elites online, to be declared a global threat.
Jihadi John had wasted a huge portion of his life trying to behead infidels. He should have signed up on Twitter and abused Indian elites online, to be declared a global threat.

Releasing the report titled ‘Is ISIS really evil?’, United Nations spokesperson Hanna Barbara, said, “We had been following what the ISIS had been upto for the past two years. They had driven out Christians, Shias and Yazidis out of Iraq and certain portions of Syria. They had beheaded many journalists and had released barbaric videos of their executions. They had stoned gays, women and children too. They had killed so many Iraqi policemen and soldiers too. But, all these do not qualify for war crime or genocide or atrocity. ISIS has done something bad, but they haven’t crossed the line that defines threat.”

When asked about ‘that line’, she said, “Few decades ago, United Nations was concerned with what happened in real world. But, now we are more concerned with what happens in the Virtual world. And, for United Nations to mark something as violent or a threat, it should had happened online. No, not hacking or social engineering ,we are talking about trolling. As per our analysis, India tops the world in online trolling. Followers of Hindu Nationalist BJP government had been involved in continuous trolling of innocent Indian elites on Twitter. ISIS hasn’t done that cruelty yet. If ISIS starts trolling Indian elites online, then we will immediately brand them as evil, violent and start our war crimes investigations on them. In short, ISIS is not that a big threat to United Nations, as the online Hindu males.”

Noted Indian dance competition judge and elitist, Chotan Bhugat, welcomed the UN opinion on Indian cyber-trolling. He added, “Bhakts, who happen to be the sexually frustrated Hindu Male, unlike me, troll a lot of Indian elites and journalists online. I said ‘unlike me’ for Hindu male alone because I consider myself otherwise. They do not allow what the elites and journos have to say against them. Come on, use of expletives in English is a mark of elitism and we are not allowed to do that online, because trolls then resort to abuses in local languages. Abuse is really very bad when it comes in Hindi. Clearly, upper caste Hindu male is a big threat to the world than ISIS or Al Qaeda. Moreover, if ISIS abuse Indian elites, we will be welcoming it with open hands because our secularism is more important than being abused. So, UN should not declare them as global threat even if they abuse us.”