Monday, 23rd October, 2017

ISI surpasses IT as the leading employer in Pakistan

10, Aug 2015 By kidd

Islamabad: The economy of Pakistan has shown much improvement in the past 2 years, especially after the war on terror in collaboration with US. Now Pakistan is concentrating on its eastern border with India more compared to FATA and Baluchistan. This shift in Pakistan’s policy has given rise to a new trend in the country. In the colleges recruitment has gone a record high.

No, it’s not the software-IT industry that is on a recruiting spree, it’s the elite agency ISI. In collaboration with LeT, they have started a joint venture. This new program has been a hit among country’s youth. Officially ISI have now become the largest employer in Pakistan surpassing IT industry and Afghan Taliban.

The truth is, this program was started a long time ago, but have lost its glamour in the recent years. This is an effort from the government to revive the program and yes, the results have been excellent. According to a senior Pakistani official, this revival is mainly due to the change in Indian attitude towards Pakistan. Pakistanis are given more respect and love in India these days. TV channels hail them as heroes, newspapers give a full front page to them and even the opposition tweets about them. Although Pakistani official isn’t happy that we still sometimes acknowledge them by the name “terrorists”.

ISI attracting recent graduates and college pass-out of Pakistan to join them.
ISI attracting recent graduates and college pass-out of Pakistan to join them.

The following are cited as the main reasons, why the youth is participating in large numbers: 1. Deported young Pakistanis from Europe are not getting Xbox and PS4’s to play call of duty and halo, so in turn they are joining LeT for real life gaming experience. 2. The training package includes a 2 month long adventure trek through northern areas and finally they are dropped in Kashmir border for final training. They also get to party with Chinese girls at the Pak-China border. This has been one of the main attractions of the trek. 3. Unlike the earlier times, now boys can carry GPS , Night vision, snow mobiles(in winter), used mission impossible gadgets, cheap quad-copters . 4. Authorities have added weed and opium to the daily ration supplies to reduce the stress of trainees. The students have tweeted that they are enjoying the best trip of their life. 5. One month extensive training with bear grylls, on how to survive in jungle with no food was planned but later dropped. This was due to the request of Indian media who have offered free food and accommodation to the young bright terrorists from Pakistan. 6. They get occasional coaching on ‘how to behave on camera” from India media. The young boys are really happy about this offer as they can give good interviews in future.

Indian camps are on high alert after hearing about Pakistan’s new initiative. IB and RAW are keeping a close watch on the developments on the other side of the border. Due to high aviation fuel prices helicopters are grounded, so army is taking drones from rich kids in Delhi on loan for the purpose of strategic reconnaissance. The Indian authorities are finding it hard to make a plan to counter the new “unpredictable and drugged” ISI recruits. Indian officials have also been recruiting students from IITs and NITs who have a good track record in drug abuse throughout the academic year. These recruits have a formed committee to investigate the possible attack strategy of the terrorists.

After a thorough study the committee have recommended the following things: 1. To supply free Maggie packets to them and hot water kettle in case they are feeling hungry. This is to support Swachch Bharat campaign to destroy all Maggie packets that are lying in the garbage dump. 2. To play psychedelic trance and house music on radio to distract the terrorists. 3. To drop t-shirts with Rahul Gandhi quotes throughout the forest with the help of drones. The quotes are supposed to confuse them and ultimately make them forget their plan. 4. Put sign boards with “free play stations” all along the way to lead back home to Pakistan.

Although army is keen on implementing these recommendations, there have been few problems. T-shirts with Rahul Gandhi quotes have still not arrived. The Chairman of the Mill that is manufacturing the t-shirts have been reported saying that employees find it too hard to work in the mill, since many of them are not able to stop laughing after accidentally reading those quotes.

Meanwhile in Pakistan, students who have successfully completed missions in India are being sent for further training in the Middle East. Some of them are complaining that this was not in the contract when they were recruited. Parents are also concerned about the future of their kids in Middle East .Unlike in India, middle is no safe zone for them and they get zero media support. They also have to dress in black in the hot deserts of Syria and Iraq.The trend of going to middle-east is likely to stay for some time, although experts predict that India will always remain a favorite spot unlike Middle East, which is lacking a good climate and media coverage.