Wednesday, 18th October, 2017

In yet another goof-up, Pakistan air-launches security analyst Tariff Pirzyada in place of a surface-to-air missile

13, Apr 2015 By Beer & Biryani

Punjab, Pakistan: In what is being considered as one of the biggest goof-ups in the history of air launches, Pakistani defense authorities have launched the noted tea-sipping strategic affairs analyst – Tariff Pirzyada into the air instead of a projected surface-to-air missile. Here’s the full story of this incident.

Pakistan’s defense directors for missile operations seemed quite excited as the test of its latest surface-to-air missile was going to be underway shortly. As the countdown began, the directors watched each other with a feeling of great pride. As the operator announced, “Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, go !!!”, the entire room stood up and gave themselves a big round of applause followed by roars of victory.

All of a sudden, every one got into a tizzy as they observed the missile remained stationary though there was an apparent thrust jet from the exhaust. One of the scientists shrieked in horror as he observed the strategist Tariff Pirzyada take off instead of the missile. Upon careful analysis of the events, it was concluded that Pirzyada’s over enthusiasm led to this accident.

Satellite picture of Tariff Pirzyada in transit.

Reports say that the missile was pointed to some other target but enthusiastic Pirzyada deliberately changed its direction towards the Mumbai Times Now studio in order to seek revenge from Arnab Goswami and prove the statement he’d made on a television debate. He is believed to have displaced the missile from its launch pad and stood in its position. It is also believed that a cup and a saucer along with thermos flask filled with masala tea were found beside the unlaunched missile. Faking News satellites were able to capture a picture of Pirzyada while he was in transit and here’s how he looked.

Sources say Mr. Tariff is slated to reach the Times Now studios roof-top in another few hours. Arnab has reportedly carried his crew to the terrace after denying them lunch and is eagerly waiting to demand a direct answer for a question that hasn’t been asked yet. General GD Bakshi is also expected to arrive shortly.

It would be interesting to see the open air debate, a “first of its kind” considering the adventure involved even before the show has started.