Wednesday, 28th June, 2017

Gods to hold polls, humanity baffled

28, Mar 2014 By kida

Yes, it is happening! There will be a poll for favorite God and all the humans have to vote. Greek God Apollo confirmed this over a video telepathy conference, where the journalists had to close their eyes to communicate with Apollo.

The polls will be held in different phases through the month of April and May. In India, the polls will be clubbed with the upcoming general election which will help cut expenses of Gods by 33%. The list of participating Gods has not been released yet but analysts are already pouring their expert opinions while announcing the exit poll results. Jesus, Allah, Yahwen, and Shiva seem to be running ahead in the race.

The Greek Gods will organize the election as none of the Greek Gods is contesting. Apollo is the President of the election committee. “We have become too old; everyone has forgotten us. There is no way we can win this election. By becoming the organizers we will at least be in the news”, reasoned out the aging Apollo. Other Gods have been assigned tasks according to their capabilities and super powers.

Apollo also confirmed that it is mandatory for all human beings above age 5 to vote and there is no option of voting for ‘none of the above’. This move has shocked the atheists and also made them critical votes as their vote can swing any way.

The Gods are also thinking to give voting rights to chimpanzees, dogs, and elephants as they are smarter than many human beings who will be voting. When journalists raised their concern over the polls possibly instigating religious riots, Apollo replied “These polls have nothing to do with religion. You just have to vote for your favorite God, just like you vote for your favorite participant in Big Brother.”

Some of the contestant Gods talked to media, over video telepathy, to discuss their manifestos and campaign strategies. “I see earth, I see 3/4th of it covered in water, I see opportunity”, said a calm and confident Jesus. Indian Gods informed that they will file only one candidate. “Shiva was the obvious choice as he will attract a lot of hippie votes from all over earth”, explained the cunning Krishna. Allah was not available for video chat but he discussed his strategy over audio telepathy. “I will behave the underdog. No one will see me coming and at the end I will surprise everyone”, said Allah. Yahwen is banking on buying out the atheist votes.

The one question that humanity still doesn’t have answer to is whether the polls will be held on planets other than earth. The Gods declined to answer this question. Meanwhile, Loki’s application for contesting election was rejected on grounds that he in only a demigod.

Author’s blog.