New Delhi. Indian intelligence has received information from highly placed sources about a new warfare technology developed by the Chinese army to be used specifically on Indians. The move by China is seen as a desperate attempt by China to showcase their alleged superiority over India in Every way.
This was confirmed by the Chinese Premier Lil Keqiang, who agreed to an exclusive with faking news on conditions of anonymity.
Excerpts from the interview:
FN: What is the reason behind developing this bizarre warfare technology?
Lil K: You Indians and the Americans think so little of us. you don’t take us seriously, even when we invade 20Kms into your land and occupy 20% of Kashmir. Do you know what kind of damage that does to our confidence? Your Prime minister condoles our action and then ignores us. Is this the way you treat your enemy-No. This is the way you treat children. Clearly the Indian Govt thinks so little of us. Well not anymore. This weapon will reduce the penis size up to 90%. Its time we think little of you.
FN: Don’t you think its easier to develop bio weapons that can take life?
Lil K: Do you think we haven’t thought about that. You Indians apparently have no concern for your fellow man’s life. You don’t care if your soldiers are mutilated. This is irritating for us. We spend 100 billion dollars on our military and still you Indians aren’t concerned about us. What kind of a message will that send to the world? So we decided to hit you where it hurts the most- Your Penis.
FN: I think ‘you are little’ prejudiced about our priorities.
Lil K: Oh no. We hacked into the google server to find out what the Indians searched. 90% of men searched for tips to increase penis size. This is the only thing you care about. We have already laced all the exported goods with the new chemical. Now you will learn to fear us. Its time for us to think little of you now. (with an evil laugh).
FN: How do you think this will help you win the war?
Lil K: Married men will lose confidence in bed and sex related divorces will increase in India. Once confidence decreases it will reflect in their work too. India’s productivity will reduce by 60% and inflation will be uncontrollable. India will crumble in an economic disaster.
This news sent shock-waves throughout India and every man disposed the Chinese products in their homes. One affected man cried, “This is evil. Pure Evil.”
While everybody was busy eating dates and watermelon as a precaution, women in Delhi has extended their support to China’s new strategy. They are hoping that with reduced penis sizes the rapists will be reluctant to rape them.
“The Indian Govt won’t take any action to protect us. At least China is doing something about our safety unknowingly. We request China to use a heavier dose in Delhi,” said a visibly happy 10-year-old girl.