Tuesday, 22nd August, 2017

Batman fires Alfred after seeing Katappa killing Bahubali

02, Aug 2015 By Vish

In a shocking development, Batman A.K.A. Bruce Wayne recently relieved his butler Alfred Pennyworth of all his duties at the Wayne Manor. He decided to make the move after watching the movie Bahubali.

When asked why he fired Alfred, Batman replied – “Because I’m batman. I could either live in fear or do something about it. I chose to do the latter.

Batman- Bahubali way!
Batman- Katappa-Bahubali way!

He then explained, “I watched Bahubali with Alfred last night and as the movie ended we both looked at each other and an awkward silence followed. I, then, immediately rushed to my bedroom and locked myself in. I turned the focus of all the spy cameras on Alfred and watched him all night. I was so afraid that I didn’t even go out on the night patrol. What if he took a cue from Katappa and did something similar. Like Katappa said in the movie, no weapon or enemy is as dangerous as an act of back-stabbing by someone close to you. I could never have been prepared for it.”

“Both Bahubali and I lost our parents in our childhood, both of us became heir to our respective empires. While I was raised by Alfred, Bahu was raised by Katappa.” He concluded citing similarities between him and Bahubali.

On how he broke the news to Alfred, he said, “No one does it better than Vince McMohan. I searched YouTube for WWE clips from the attitude era where he would fire Austin by uttering those two magical words (‘YOU’RE FIRED!’), recorded and amplified his voice and played it in full volume in Alfred’s room as soon as he woke up the next morning. I was tempted to add the DX catchphrase- ‘I’ve got two words for you’ before it but later decided against it as it could take away the seriousness of the matter and he might think I was only trolling him.”

Superman said he might hire Katappa as his bodyguard and then fire him. When we asked him why would he fire him and was he scared that Katappa would kill him, he laughed and said, “Not that I need him, I want to go through that emotion and see how it feels after being betrayed.” He added, “I won’t fire him before he does anything. My gimmick doesn’t allow it. He can’t kill me anyway. I’ll wait for him to stab me, take the stabbing and then fire him.”

When asked if he would leave aunt May, Spiderman said, “She’s my aunt not a butler but no.. wait.. she’s not a blood relation.” Instead of reacting impulsively, he then said, “I will consult the spirit of Uncle Ben and then make a decision.”

Thor was scared that Heimdall would close the bifrost bridge forever while he was on Avengers’ duty on earth. When FN asked him how would Heimdall know about Katappa as the movie hasn’t released on Asgard, he said, “He watches everything from up there. By now, i am sure even knows why Katappa killed Bahubali.”

Iron Man seemed happy that Jarvis had transformed himself into Vision and left the Stark Tower. He wished him luck.

It has also been learnt that a strange incident took place in chennai where all of Rajnikath’s domestic workers suddenly disappeared from the face of the earth at the same time. When FN contacted Rajni anna, he innocently said, “I did not fire any of them nor do I have a hand in their disappearance. I too am surprised by the manner in which they all left me.” He then added, “Though I must admit after watching Bahubali I had thought for a second I’d fire them but the very next moment I realized who I am and then I dropped the idea.” People are speculating the damage might have been done at the end of 1st second itself when he imagined firing them.

Capt cool Dhoni also posted a tweet saying – “Now you know why Jadeja was dropped from the recent Bangladesh and Zimbabwe tours”. His fans got another reason to sing him praises and are attributing the decision to his farsightedness saying how others are reacting after watching the movie while Dhoni acted before its release.

In an unrelated news, ‘Mumbai Ka Baap’ Doga has recently bought a new flat in the suburbs of Mumbai and is planning to move out of Adrak Chacha’s house.

P.S. – Bhai is not contemplating any such move and the jobs of Shera and his driver are safe. We are not saying it’s because Bhai needs them at times to stand up and take the responsibility of some of his acts so please refrain from assuming anything.