Sunday, 25th March, 2018

Axact denies fake degree allegations, admits to producing pornography and selling cocaine instead

21, May 2015 By Umar Ahmed

Pakistan: A recent investigative report published by The New York Times has taken Pakistan by storm. The report, alleging that a Pakistani software company, Axact is responsible for running a multi-million dollar scam for fake education degrees was first reported on early Monday morning followed by a response by Axact on the same day. However, according to a recent interview conducted by Faking News with senior Axact officials, it has now been discovered that the truth is much tamer.

Earlier today, Faking News reporters met with Mr. Khan, a senior manager at Axact who only agreed to be identified with his last name. Naveed elaborated that the fake degree scandal was actually propaganda and that Axact was actually involved in the very respectable and legal businesses of pornography production and drug selling instead.

(Only) Pakistani Cops get confused by Cocaine Packets as Sugar Packets

“Why would we corrupt the youth of the country and destroy its backbone by issuing fake degrees? We are men, not monsters. We want the country to reach to tremendous heights and there is no better way to get high than cocaine.”, said an impassioned Naveed who is also known by his middle name, Nasir.

Naveed, son of Afzal Khan, then introduced the Faking News team to his immediate superior Jawed Ahmed. Mr. Ahmed who was insistent on conducting the interview through voice from the other end of his locked room while the sound of a running paper shredder from inside his room pierced the silence explained, “This entire defamation campaign is run by enemies of the country and is as baseless as the thought that I am in this locked room right now shredding fake degrees.”.

Naveed Khan, born April 14th, 1983, later showed Faking News reporters the heart of the pornography operation and took them to the studios which consisted of a single empty room, a bed sheet, a tortoise and a stick. “It’s a very specific type of porn we deal in, it’s pretty big in Czechoslovakia. It will probably reach Pakistan sometime in the next decade or so.”, said Khan, a resident of 15th street, Liaquatabad, Karachi.

Mr. Khan, also known by his nickname “Big N” also introduced the Faking News team to the main operating area of the drugs selling division. As for why it seemed like a kitchen and why the packets of white powder that were being prepared tasted like sugar, Naveed explained that it was to confuse the cops.

He also stressed that the reason this entire thing got as big as it did so fast is because it because he is an avid user of Viagra. But while on the topic of the defamation campaign, he explained that the reason it gained steam quickly is because Axact is about to start a television channel, Bol which is expected to usher in a new era of journalism in Pakistan which has made other media houses jealous and eager to defame Bol and Axact. When asked whether unsubstantiated claims of defamation against third parties should also constitute defamation, Naveed, a father of two, declined to comment.

“Mark my words, Axact will come out of this mess unscathed.”, said Naveed, husband of Zulaikha, just as officials from the Federal Investigation Agency entered Axact premises and started seizing computers and other documents. “We’ll be laughing about this in a week or two, trust me.”, he smiled as an FIA official put handcuffs on his hands and put him in their van. “This will be just another rough patch Axact rolled on through because that’s how we do business.”, he concluded as the FIA van drove off.