Anna Hazare, India’s leading mercenary faster, declared that he would be going on a hunger strike to protest against Russia’s acquisition of Crimea and other parts of Ukraine that Hazareji didn’t know the names of.
“Corruption is everywhere,” the capped crusader said. “Unbelievably, even among the white people.” He was quick to fend off all accusations of racism. “Say that one more time and I will hunger strike you into oblivion,” the miffed man said, wagging a famished finger at an inquisitive journalist.
Hazareji somberly stated that the acquisition had hurt his sentiments. “Putin is a good man. I knew him as a kid in my karate class,” he said. When asked if his move was politically motivated, Hazareji threw his tide-washed white cap in disgust. “I am not Arvind Kejriwal!” he bellowed. “I do these things because I am possessed by Gandhi’s ghost.”
But many are questioning about the veracity of this protest. If Hazareji’s record is anything to go by, then his fasts-unto-death are almost always fasts-unto-whenever-convenient. When inquired about whether he intended to actually die this time, he held his head low and said, “I will live till we get Asli Azadi. Even if that makes me immortal in the process, then be it.”
Hazareji said that the people of Ukraine have his sympathies with them. He further added that every time he sees a Russian now, he will make it a point to hit him with his stick.”I will be launching a walk to Crimea if the fast fails,” he stated without hesitancy. “This will be my Dandi march. Russians beware, here I come!” he yelled in the gathering that was attended by three people, before collapsing in a coughing fit.
Upon being asked what he thought about the acquisition in light of international law, he said that he would refer to Kiran Bedi and get back.