Mumbai: After the successful launch of Mangalyan, Indians are once again ready to prove their dominance in the field of technology. Idea Cellular Ltd., an Indian telecom company has conquered another fortress; a milestone which is far beyond the imagination of any other mobile-operator company. It was yesterday when Idea introduced a new technology called ‘Effortless Theft Security System’ in its SIM cards, creating epidemic buzz and amazement among the public and its rivals. Idea officials have claimed that this is an entirely newfangled and the most successful theft-proof technology till date.
“This is a never-before and never-again invention” T. K. Callkar, Vice Chairman of Idea Cellular told Faking News. “It is a foolproof technology and with its application, recovery of stolen cell phones will be as easy as taking candy from a baby. The thief will come and hand you the phone himself. Till now, there was too much of ‘police ka pachda’ and people had to shuffle FIRs, bills, records and all but after this moment, it is going to be real smooth” said Mr. Callkar in an exciting tenor. His excitement was justified by the sales reports of their new SIM cards and highly upsurging market value of Idea’s shares.
However, the show was not over yet. In a very swift reaction to this new threat, the rival companies approached CBI, now working as a private detective agency after being declared unconstitutional by the Gauhati High Court. More astonishingly, the CBI took almost no time and unveiled the hidden secrets behind the newly arrived technology within years hours.
“It is not that typical technology thing with circuits and chips involved” a CBI spokesperson told us. “After enough spying and investigating, we’ve found out that the new Idea SIM cards come loaded with a ‘psychological technology’. It affects the thief’s mind in 3 ways. First, the thief will notice the yellow coloured SIM while trying to remove it, which will remind him of ‘yellow yellow dirty fellow’, thus making him realize that he is a dirty fellow and will induce a feeling of guilt in him. Second, he will see ‘Idea’ written on the SIM card, which will stimulate thoughts like ‘I diya’ or ‘I give’, injecting a feeling of ‘giving’ or selflessness.”
“Third and the biggest impact will be made when the Idea SIM card will force him to think of the brand ambassador of Idea, Abhishek Bachchan, popular as Jai, the super cop in the Dhoom series for chasing thieves, thus developing a feeling of fear. This collective impact of guilt, selflessness and fear will force him to return the phone to its owner” the spokesperson disclosed further.
Even after this sensational expose by CBI, the situation remains troublesome for rest of the telecom companies as Idea holds all the rights of their new ‘technology’. Meanwhile, some market analysts were heard praising Idea’s marketing strategies. “Here are some very fresh marketing tactics. Especially in these days when mobile internet packs are getting more and more cheaper and the operators keep reducing the call charges day by day, consumers are looking for some elegant features in their SIM cards. And see, they have swept their opponents off their feet” popular market analyst Dhaniram Bazaru shared his opinion with our reporter.
In the interim, our sourced have reported that Star Plus is planning to give the Star Plus Nayi Soch Award to Idea. There were no reactions by any of the telecom companies over this as most of their employees were having a hard time thinking of a countermeasure. Anyhow, we managed to have a word with a high-ranked BSNL employee “I don’t think such things will work against us. Chor to hamara SIM card dekhte hi phone fenk dete hain, let alone the idea of returning”