Thursday, 22nd March, 2018

After Tim Cook's coming out, Baba Ramdev to release iOS app to cure homosexuality

01, Nov 2014 By thepelicanclub

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After curing critical illnesses like cancer, heart disease and brain diseases, Baba Ramdev is bringing cure for the most evil disease known to mankind – Ebola Homosexuality .

Baba Ramdev has swung into action when Apple CEO Tim Cook expressed his pride on being gay. While Baba has previously invited people to his aashram in Hardiwar to cure homosexuality, he clearly appreciates the difficulty for Mr. Cook to spend dedicated time in his delightful company. Showing unrelenting commitment to future of humanity while connecting with demands of modern life , Baba Ramdev has decided to create an iOS app for curing homosexuality for benefit of humanity in general and Mr. Cook in particular.

“Why do you think Tim Cook is never considered as cool as Steve? It is just disease of homosexuality, nothing else. Steve Jobs was married and had kids and look what he did for humanity.” quipped Baba.

Faking news has exclusive access to some of the features of the app in development:

1. Pranayam Tracking – The app will detect heavy breathing and send shocks if any other male is in the vicinity.

2. Kapal Bharti  – Videos of famous Bollywood divas doing Dhak-Dhak

3. Anulom Vilom Tracking – Alternate nostril breathing exercise to be performed in crowded non-AC bus and train

The app will be released when a suitable mahurat has been found after consulting with prominent jyotishis.

Once the app is released, Baba will resume rigorous Pranayam to bring back black money from Swiss banks.