For the uninitiated audiences Lionel Messi’s heroics could be a part of history now, as FIFA grapples with the idea that the Argentinian’s record may have been eclipsed in the Asian backyard.
Our sources have reported that the North Korean great successor Kim Jong-un has broken the Argentinian wizards’s record by a fair distance. Playing for the Pyongyang Great Leader’s XI the ‘dear leader’ is claimed to have scored a gawking 142 goals in one calendar year. The team has finished at top of the table with a comfortable cushion of 37 points(it was reported that they got an extra 15 points because Kim-Jong-Un was playing for them). Kim-Jong is also reported to have cleared prevailing inclement weather into a sunny day for many of his team’s matches to commence and even officiated in some of the matches and took infallible line-out calls as well even while his head was turned.
KCNA, the North Korean state owned media center had earlier stated in the week that “Dear Leader had worked very hard for the team and fully deserved his record”. So sublime was his form during the season that the goalkeepers were transfixed by his aura as he entered the penalty box. Further adding to it they claimed that “European imperialism in Football will not be tolerated, let this be a slap for the unchecked imperialist expansion of the United States and Japan”. Sources in the country have said that has been the reason for the absence of the dear leader,”He was exhausted after the season” .
FIFA has taken an official stand over the event, one of their spokesperson seemed to have claimed that “level of competition cannot be established in the North Korean league”. Since no official members are in North Korea, FIFA has no way to validate the record. However Pyongyang has responded to FIFA’s stand “Most of our players are very fit as their diet is controlled by the democratic republic’s manual, which has been a marvellous health-care initiative by the Dear Leader himself”. Another intriguing feature was the well known trait of the Kim-Jong family that played a handy part as KCNA further explained “As our dear leaders don’t urinate and defaecate, the half-time break gave him an extra 15 minutes to plot the downfall of the opposition defense while the rest of the team was supping health drinks and discharging the same”. Plus they added that “Dear Leader’s actions cannot be impugned, questioning Kim-Jong-Un’s integrity is like questioning Kim-Ii-Sung’s integrity”. Messi hasn’t reacted yet, but his manager has said that “Its unfair, but he is undaunted by the aura of the dear leader and will work 200% in the training”
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