Thursday, 29th June, 2017

We thought it was an English test: Kohli

03, Sep 2014 By Andy

Two back-to-back victories in the ODIs in England have left many cricket pundits baffled. After a dismal Test series, cricketing experts  are finding it very difficult to find out what really was the cause for the Test series debacle.

But in an exclusive interview with Faking news, Indian batsman Virat Kholi  explained why India seemed spineless against England during the test series, and how things changed with the beginning of the one-dayers.

Q. Why was the Indian team unable to put a good show during the Test series?

A. Last month we were told that we were going to have an English test soon. Almost everyone in the team was frightened. We tried our best to find a good English tutor before the tournament began, but no one except Navjot Singh Sidhu was interested. However, when we reached England we realised that it was a Test match series and not an English test. I even had packed my squeaky duck toy for the tour. Infact, Ravidra Jadeja still thinks the test is to take place and Anderson had given him a surprise test.

Q. But how can this be? Doesn’t the Indian team read newspapers or watch TV?

A.  That’s the root of all the problems(Kholi grins ). I made sure the newspapers never reached my teamates’ houses. The papers were carrying too much stuff about my off-field activities. So, I had to do it. I made sure it was ‘all clear.’

Q. What about television?

A. I bribed all the local cablewalas and asked them to show Star Sports only.

Q How did that help?

A In the morning they show India’s greatest victories. A bit later, India’s greatest T20 triumphs. After a little while, close encounters (where we are always shown winning). A fan of mine who watches only Star Sports sued a newspaper once for publishing a story which said India had lost a match. My fan went to court with all the Star Sports footage as evidence. I think it explains everything

Q.  Why have you not been able to perform well so far?

A. Meet me outside. I’ll let you know.