Monday, 23rd October, 2017

The guy who hated Sachin all his life realises he actually loves him

18, Nov 2013 By iamgreat

Achin Batatawadekar, one of the staunchest and most devout critic of Sachin, made this stunning revelation to our Faking News reporter on Skype. Achin, a self declared “oldest Sachin abuser” told our reporter, “I am in a shock. It was when he got out this morning. I got up to celebrate when Sammy caught him. That is when I realized..”, chokes, ” It was like a hammer plunged into my guts. My palms refused to come together in a clap. It was then that I dawned on me. I am gonna miss this damn *$##er”, choked again as he tried to hold his emotions together.

He went at length to narrate his obsession with Sachin. Achin, who attend Sharada Vidyamandir with Sachin started hating Sachin even before the rest of the country started to love him. It was 3rd Std Achin recalls when a pot-bellied teacher Mr. Tondukar taunted now 6 feet Achin saying that “Your name is shorter than this dedh-footeya”.

But, it was in 1988 during the world record partnership that this hatred was sealed in gold. “I had my childhood love Gomatibai to the Sharada Vidyamandir v/s St. Xavier’s match. I had planned to pour my heart out to her during the game. But, that damn Kambli and Sachin played so damn well that every time I tried to talk to her or leaned in to kiss her, she would jump up to cheer them. I was helpless, you see there we no kiss cams in India back then,” remembers Achin in a melancholic tone. When pressed as to what happened to Gomati he painfully remembers that she joined the first Sachin fan club after that and “we just drifted apart.”

After that it became a singular of Achin life to criticise and malign on every public platform available. “Hell, I even joined commerce (even after getting into an engg college) with the sole purpose to identify a flaw in Sachin statistics. It was only after I followed my B. Com with an M.B.A, that I was able to play with numbers and start one of the longest standing myths that India looses when Sachin scores a 100,” recalls Achin as the proudest achievement of his life as a Number Cruncher.

He goes on and on as he remembers each incident when the Master was grilled in the media and his behind the stage role in it. Achin recalls how he was the marketing advisor for Gilchrist and Akhtar when they wrote their books on cricket. Achin even doubled up as a spell checker and thesaurus for Akhtar who typed his book on a vintage Rawalpindi typewriter. “It was on my advice that Akhtar put the ‘trembling legs’ quote. That fool wanted to write talk about how his pet goat Sabina’s feet trembled when he milked her! I mean can you believe it?”, shouts an evidently enraged Achin. He also went to recall how drove Vinod Kambli to the sets of Sach ka Samna when he made those controversial claims about the little Master. He also claims to have have taught Vinod breathing excercises and Yoga to beat the lie detectors.

“After all these years and all this enmity I realise that I love the man. I mean can you believe it?”, Achin tells as he wonders what next to do with is life? When our reporter suggested he may haunt some other stalwart till he retires, Achin shrieks and says from the side of his mouth, “I guess I can work with SRK’s career till he retires. That will be a good retirement plan for me”.

Unable to curb the urge, when our reporter finally questioned Achin, “When you meant love did u mean Platonic or Socratic?”, Achin ended the conversation with a devilish smile and a twinkle in his eye saying, “Let’s save it for another day when the Master is all retired and relaxed”.