FN has scooped exclusive excerpts from the deleted opening chapter of the autobiography of Indian Cricket legend BharatRatna Sachin Tendulkar. The chapter was deemed to be too revelatory about Sachin Tendulkar himself, origins of cricket and much more.
It’s been quite a while, 15 billion of your earth years, but I remember that day distinctly.
Mahadev was angry that day. With most, you wouldn’t remember but when someone opens a third eye in his forehead that spits fire, you don’t forget.
The fireballs were coming from everywhere – tossed directly on my body, dropping and cutting inside, or bouncing just over my head. I picked up a fairly large wooden stick that was lying around. Don’t know who kept it there, although I should know such things.
Anyway, I picked that stick and blocked one such fireball. I wanted to smirk but Mahadev had parcelled another fireball right at my face. I had to duck. He repeated same delivery again; this time I hooked it away with the stick. I was amazed at the things I was doing but he wasn’t interested for he had sent couple more one after another. One, which came toward my legs, was glanced back where Brahma, the third man, was sitting. Other was hit straight back at Mahadev.
I was quite enjoying our little game. Shiva the Destroyer, needless to say was not.
He launched another fire rocket. I just knew where to this one was coming. I came forward and hit it with as much power as the most powerful being can. The ball was smacked all the way across Mount Kailash. It was going, going and gone.
Not that I really saw it going. The hit had such an impact that there was an explosion at the point of contact of the wooden stick and fireball. A very Big Bang. It almost threw me and Mahadev backwards. The light almost blinding us, we had to close our eyes, all five of them.
Since I do not have much to do for an eternity, I started thinking over the fireball game. I invented most of the rules with little help of Brahma. You have to be extra careful or else Brahma takes all the credit for inventing things.
But I could not find anyone decent enough, except Brahma, to play the game with.
Ganesha is a pathetic bowler. Dodda Ganesh is a better bowler than The Ganesha. I gave up telling him not use his trunk to bowl. Garuda was no good either. Varuna was so bad that I had to ask him not to come to play again. Angered, he vowed to disrupt the game and he has been doing that since. Narada said he will not play but he will describe the play while it is on to the Apsaras. Blast, we did not have players but commentator was born already.
I was always doubtful of Brahma’s plan to get more players to play the game.
When the Big Bang happened, a giant expanding pothole was created right in middle of Eden Gardens in heaven. And mysterious objects were created and floating around pointlessly.
It was his idea to pick one such floating object (The Earth) and create beings like us in our image on it. Let the beings evolve slowly to eventually learn the game on their own. So that they do not think are slaves or something. Till date I have not realised which of three heads of Brahma brings out such stupid ideas.
The process of evolution took eons even by our standards. And the beings (you) did just about every other thing but learn the game.
We decided to take matter in our own hands and send our avatars to teach the game to the human beings. I got stuck in bureaucratic issues as I had already gone in 9 other times and had promised to go back much much later. Brahma sent his avatar as W.G.Grace. (Only time Brahma and Grace used in a single sentence)
The red tape was finally removed. I chose the name Tendulkar (as a pun for my 10th time on Earth).
So thrilled was I when I smelled the foul earth smell, I laughed out loud. I did not realise that a being, a nurse, was around that moment. She was shocked to see me laughing I think and said something I will never forget.