Sunday, 22nd April, 2018

Rohit Performing, Fans Hurting

26, Jan 2013 By jackofall

There was much uproar when Dhoni won the toss in Mohali and chose to bowl first, the uproar was not because he had chosen to bowl but it was due to the fact that he had replaced Rahane with “Sir Rohit Talented (BE)Sharma”. The cyberspace was abuzz with all kinds of comments about this selection made by MSD. Many rose to the opportunity to deliver their very valued opinions on how he is destined to fail and how discrimination was rampant in the BCCI. Some posts on social media read:

“Aaj Maggi khaane ka man hai, Rohit Sharma ki Jung hai!” This made in reference of the average length of a Rohit Innings and a noodles packet being cooked in the same time.

“England Bowlers to have lottery to decide who gets to bowl first at him, the winner gets a free and talented wicket.” This posts really demeaning our very talented Sir Rohit, by calling him a gift wicket.

“Dhoni and Srini have a scandal! Rohit has them taped” a very serious but false allegation by another fan showing how much anger the selection had created.

But when he came in to bat, he was determined to change all the rhetoric. It is reported that he worshipped Nestle Mata to ensure that he can last longer than the ordinary Maggi noodles. And there it was, he played superbly, scored a good heap of runs. The innings helped India win the match, but a bowl of Maggi went hard waiting for him in the dressing room. MSD was happy, so was the team, but majority of Indian fans who had posted on their social media profiles scrambled to clean up those comments and start worshipping Sir Rohit as a demi God. Few Reactions from the surprised fans are given below:

“Uske karan mere cricketing expertise par ek baara sawaal khara ho gaya! He is so bad that even failure has started eluding him!!” lamented another armchair expert.

“Rohit Sharma had a point to prove to the recently knighted Sir Ravinder Jadeja!” thundered an excited Indian cricket fan.

“I had to take my pressure medicines to ensure my BP remains in control this miracle happen. Who knows when next the Sir decides to grace us with some batting.” said an elderly gentleman, who was later hospitalised due to the fact that even Sir Jadeja was performing much to his dismay.

“If Rohit Be Sharma has scored then its 100% fixed. #TheekHai”

The doctors say that like the previous months Indo Pak clashes, there have been a number of patients coming for Neurological and psychological tests have Trebled, they reckon that players like Sir Jadeja and more shockingly Sir Rohit Talented Sharma performing were only compounding the already serious situation of heart and psychological patients.

In Delhi, members of the AAM AADMI PARTY were seen distributing pamphlets asking people to observe a cricket fast by switching off from the next ODI as a marl of protest against the atrocities committed by Rohit and Jadeja in association with the BCCI. They demanded to know, where was this Rohit when we needed, he has also demanded a white paper on the sudden inflated performance of Non-Performing Assets of Indian cricket along with the rationale behind India’s new selection policy, which was reported by us earlier in the week.

Elsewhere, the supporters of the English team have blamed their team’s inability to get him out as a ploy by BCCI. They declared that unknown English players were offered new cricket kits and a free Bharat Darshan during the IPL to stop them from dismissing Rohit. Our sources have neither confirmed nor denied the story, all they are saying is that the board was happy to see him performing, but an enquiry was underway to ascertain the action to be taken against Rohit for wasting (at least 10 packs) Maggi which were prepared during his stay at the crease, anticipating a scheduled departure of him from the middle.

We sincerely hope the weak hearted take care and maintain distance from such radioactive and rare performances for their own good. Hoping the Juggernaut keeps on Rolling!

Inputs from @biggdeal on Twitter.

Find me @jackofall91 on Twitter.