London: England’s humiliating defeat at the hands of arch-rivals Pakistan has cast a pall of gloom over the cricketing fraternity in UK, while Queen Elizabeth was furious and issued a royal notice to deport the entire England team to Cellular Jail in Andaman (India).
The surrender by the national team abject prompted Queen to lash out at the lack of fighting spirit displayed by the England team. She further said, “Once upon a time we ruled the world and now a disgraceful loser”. She later issued a formal bulletin announcing that, she shall grant UK citizenship to ICC Champions as well as replace entire England team with the winning team. This declaration was formally displayed on an easel at the Buckingham Palace.
Speaking to Faking News reporter Diana, her highness stated,“As a sports lover, I know winning and losing are part of the game, but it’s painful to watch England being thrashed by Pakistan without putting up a fight”. Quoting Darwin’s theory of evolution she said, “Life and Sports is all about survival of the fittest and England being the originator of Cricket has to be a winner rather than a loser.”
On hearing this breaking news, Pakistan Cricket Board was enthralled with excitement and have hired Shashi Tharoor – a politician of Indian origin as their cricket communications chief to teach the team on delivering a winners speech.
Few Pakistani cricketers have even placed orders for Rapidex English speaking course book via Amazon.
As soon as the news spread across the world, even Pakistani extremists announced, “If Pakistan wins the ICC champions trophy defeating India in finals, each Pakistani cricketer shall be bestowed with 72 virgins.”
Now, its a life changing game for Pakistani cricket team on 18th June to earn 72 virgins aswell as citizenship of UK, while all cricket fans have set their eyes on the day.