Wednesday, 21st February, 2018

Our diplomatic cricketers and nagging editors

28, May 2015 By anindadas

Your editor needs something spicy from cricketers every time you are sent to do a story. But the ones playing the shots, serve you a saltless dish at every interaction. Here’s how it happens:

Question 1:

Journalist: What do think about your opponent’s recent performances? Do they stand a chance against your team?

Cricketer (Captain): They are a very balanced side and their players can adapt to any situation. We have had some good battles with them in the past. It will be a good match.

Hidden Meaning: We will tear them apart. But I can’t tell you that. Let me be diplomatic.

Editor: This means nothing.

Journalist: Give me a spy cam, a micro size recorder and an invisibility cloak to enter his hotel room.

Question 2:

Journalist: Cricketer X is going through a lean patch. Where do you think he is going wrong?

Cricketer (Captain): Cricketer X has always proved his worth as a fine batsman. He just needs to get the basics right. Form is temporary, class is permanent.

Hidden Meaning: How the hell will I know what is wrong with him. Ask him. Oh wait, I am the captain. I must play it safe.

Editor: I can’t use this. This is like any other story!

Journalist: Sir, lets get them drunk. Then we’ll get the answers we want.

Question 3:

Journalist: Your bowlers conceded too many runs in the death overs. Do you have anything to say to them?

Cricketer (Captain): Our bowlers are well aware of their strengths and weaknesses. They know exactly what the team demands. One bad day doesn’t mean they are bad bowlers. I’m sure they’ll tighten the screws in the next match.

Hidden Meaning: I feel like blasting each and every bowler. I will do it after the press conference.

Editor: He is just stating the obvious. Why couldn’t you get something exclusive?

Journalist: I am not the team manager, I am not allowed in the dressing room.

Question 4:

Journalist: You are timing the ball very well this season and your strike rate is better than any other batsman. How did you improve your game?

Cricketer: My captain gave me a lot of confidence and advised me to concentrate on my key areas. He also told me not to change my natural style. I also spent a lot of time in the nets before the start of the season and worked on my fitness.

Hidden Meaning: Dude! Last season for me was like scoring a 30 in board exams. Obviously, I mulled over it, spent sleepless nights thinking if I’ll be retained and then practiced a little more than last season

Editor: Nothing interesting here. This is common for any batsman.

Journalist: Well, there is only one Kevin Pietersen and he was not present at the PC

Question 5:

Journalist: Bowler X has troubled every top order batsman this season with his swing and pace. How do you plan to face him?

Cricketer (Batsman): He is a world class bowler and has performed exceedingly well for his country and his club. I will stick to my natural game and will try to play each ball on its merit.

Hidden Meaning: Your ball will meet my bat’s wrath. See you on the pitch, bitch!

Editor: I know there is some serious heat between them. You didn’t deep dive enough.

Journalist: After a fight with your wife, do you usually send out tweet or announce it on your family intercom?