Sunday, 17th December, 2017

Mumbai Indians to field their coaching staff as playing XI from next match

20, Apr 2015 By ministryofsarcasm

Facing four consecutive defeats, Mukesh Ambani, the owner of IPL franchise Mumbai Indians has sprung into action. After seeing his son Anant lose 3 kilos due to the tension induced by these defeats, Mr. Ambani has decided to take the command himself. He announced that from next match, all the players in the squad will be benched and the coaching staff will take the field for them.

Talking to the reporters, Mr. Ambani said, “As it is, we are paying more to the support staff than the players, so we might as well give them a

Rohit Sharma, influenced by AAP pariah, reacting on Mukesh Ambani's latest announcement!
Rohit Sharma, influenced by AAP pariah, reacting on Mukesh Ambani’s latest announcement!

chance to play. Our support staff has some big names like Ricky Ponting, Sachin Tendulkar, Jonty Rhodes, Shane Bond and Anil Kumble. From the business point of view also, it will be more profitable. Fans will flood the Wankhede once they know that Sachin is playing and the sale of merchandise will also shoot like sky rocket.” When asked what will the current squad players be doing who have been bought for hefty sums in the auction, Mr. Ambani replied, “Some of them will sit in the dug-out and supply drinking water on the field while others will be employed in the Antilla for some house work. You see, money is not a factor. I pay the similar amount of money to my butler as Ambati Rayudu.”

Meanwhile, this news has let the cat among the pigeons in the MI dressing room. Rohit Sharma and Co. have called a meeting to discuss their future discourse. They might join hands with Yogendra Yadav and Prashant Bhushan to protest against the tyranny of the Ambanis. Rohit said, “We have lost matches in the past and we might lose them in the future, but such measures have no place in a democratic country. As Team India, we lost in England, we lost in Australia but BCCI were never so rude to the players. Today, democracy has been shot dead by the Ambanis. We will fight until our places are restored in the team.” Hearing this, Mukesh Ambani has contacted Arvind Kejriwal to discuss how the situation can be handled.

Contrastingly, the announcement has been welcomed by the Mumbai Indians’ support staff. Ricky Ponting told media, “Look mate, we were also cribbing for some action in the middle. For quite some time, we haven’t got the air time on TV and this stint may well open the doors for some new endorsements for us. The current squad is useless. They gossip during training sessions and it is the coaching staff who toils harder than the players. So, we are in a better shape than them.”

It remains to be seen whether the old brigade can turn the wheel back and get the Mumbai Indians kicking, but fans are upbeat about the development and they are planning to shout ‘Sachinnnn-Sachinnn’ to the top of their voices once again.