The International Cricket Committee ICC, (or the BCCI as it is now known), has revised their rankings of the Test and ODI Championship after the conclusion of India’s disastrous tour of South Africa and New Zealand.
The tours which saw India lose 3-0 to South Africa and 4-0 to New Zealand saw it slip to no. 2 in the ODI ranking, behind Australia (who thrashed an English team that was simply unable to handle Kevin Pietersen, let alone play proper cricket). However, in light of the revised ICC (BCCI) charter that gives BCCI (ICC), ECB and CA greater control of international cricket, BCCI (ICC) de- facto lifetime President N. Srinivasan declared the dismal performance of the Indian team upheld the spirit of the game, and deserved recognition and not criticism.
Since the revised charter calls for lion’s share of cricket revenues to be appropriated (stolen) by the BCCI, and some minor share given to ECB and CA, it is only appropriate that the teams who will get no money at all are allowed to win matches on their home soil as consolation.
Hence the drubbing that started in South Africa and continued Down Under gets additional points for Team India. CSA (Cricket South Africa) has strongly protested their apartheid in the exclusive club of the ICC (BCCI) but N. Srinivasan had appropriately placated them with a 3-zip whitewash, proving in that series that Quentin De Cock’s 3 consecutive 100s in 3 ODIs that helped SA win were not a vindication of the hopelessness of Indian bowlers on fast pitches, but of the magnanimity of losing intentionally by his figurehead captain MS Dhoni.
Faking News reporters questioned whether such a policy was tantamount to a BCCI directed match-fixing of all games, but Srinivasan declared that fixing was a policy for the IPL only. India’s matches overseas were inconsequential to their revenues (as winning or losing made hardly any difference to the Indian fans who have been comfortable with seeing their team lose abroad for decades).
In other news, as the IPL auctions are set to kick off, Kevin Pietersen is set to be top draw with Kings XI Punjab likely to put the entire Ness Wadia empire at stake for him, as Priety Zinta cannot wait to jump into KP’s tattooed arms after every game he wins with his signature ‘switch hits’.
When asked for his thoughts on the IPL, KP revealed that he had introduced the switch hit in the first place to disqualify himself from the England team and play IPL full time, and that it took his wanton deliberate carelessness in the disastrous Ashes series, to make his blockheaded captain Alistair Cook to realize that KP needed to be dispensed with (even if it means England will now only beat Bangladesh in his absence).