In an interesting turn of events at an emergency meeting called by ICC and it’s board members, ICC has proposed a 10 point-plan to the Indian captain M.S.Dhoni to bring back India to winning ways after the shoddy performance by the Indian team in the current test series against England, which has so far resulted in losses of $143,000,00 due to fallen viewership, soft-drink sales, and sales of other MNC owned products endorsed by Indian cricketers. Notably, the only product to still make profits was the Harbhajan Singh endorsed toothpaste.
After reviewing the bottom line figures in red, the ICC finally took up the matter seriously and got back to the white board to revive the situation of cricket in India to prevent it triggering a Global Economic Tsunami.
Talking about the problem at hand, ICC President Alan Isaac said, “As I stand in front of you today, we are faced with a situation so grave, that it can only be compared to the Lehman Brothers bankruptcy in 2008, or the Eurozone crisis. The only difference being, that we can prevent the next economic meltdown via simple changes to bring India back to the winning ways.”
At a late hour on the Sunday evening, the ICC thus floated out a 10 point-plan to BCCI to be forwarded to the Indian team’s captain. Some of the reputed cricketing journalists across the world have already touted it as an unashamed display of favoritism to the Indian cricket team, but most of them have hailed the step as a necessary evil to uplift the greater good.
ICC’s 10 point- plan proposed to India:
1). DRS to be renamed as Dhoni’s Review System. Under this, the India captain will get to have unlimited number of reviews up his sleeve, irrespective of the number of unfavorable review results. Dhoni will be able to get the third umpire to review a wide, leg-bye, bye, opposing team’s sledging (using the help of block-hole mic). Moreover, Dhoni will get a 30 minutes session to reprimand the umpires at the end of each day’s play and coach them as to where they might have performed better. The DRS will continue to have the currently operational basic features for all other test playing nations.
2). Roke Manor Research Limited-UK and BBG-Australia to hand over the Hawk-eye, Hot-spot, and Snickometer technologies to the Ranchi based Babua Infomatics PVT ltd. With all infrastructure in place, the knowledge transfer to the resources based at Babua Infomatics park in Ranchi can begin as soon as Jan – 2013.
3). Roke Manor Research to provide free lifetime software with upgrades for Dhoni’s chain of gymnasiums across India.
4). Saakshi Dhoni to be provided a week-long crash course as per the ICC’s elite umpiring training module. After the successful/unsuccessful completion of the training, Saakshi Dhoni will be officiating as an on-field umpire for all of India’s international fixtures. The ICC also mentioned that Saakshi Dhoni will never be placed at the square leg position, to make sure “line of sight” is maintained between her and the Indian captain throughout the match so that correct decisions can be made on the field.
5). “One tipp – One hand catch” mode of dismissal to be made mandatory when India is bowling.
6). Every India batsman to get a ‘Try ball’ at the start of his innings, after the drinks break, lunch break, and tea-break.
7). A number 11 batsman will be allowed to bat alone for India without a non-striker. This clause was brought in after Ashwin’s innings in the third test match. Moreover, an Indian batsman when dismissed can still continue to bat for a second life with a ‘payment’ of few runs, depending upon the batsman. The following list illustrates the number of runs to be deducted from the team’s total on board, and a maximum of 3 batsmen can get a second life during an innings:
V.Sehwag – 10 runs, G.Gambhir – 10 runs, C.Pujara – 15 runs, S.R.Tendulkar – 15 runs, V.Kohli – 5 runs, Jadeja / R.Sharma – 5 runs, M.S.Dhoni – Complimentary, free of cost, R.Ashwin – 75 runs, P.Ojha – 20 runs, Ishant Sharma – 20 runs, Awana / Yadav – 20 runs
8). M.S.Dhoni to be part of the remuneration committee for the umpires in the ICC Elite panel and, will get a say in monitoring the ‘handsome’ salaries that umpires receive.
9). India to get a 5-day practice stint on the central pitch at every venue before a test match.
10). M.S.Dhoni and his family and friends will be issued special privilege Platinum Cards by the ICC. This will entitle them to free stays in any of the 150 five-star hotels and resorts across the globe, with discounted food and drinks. (An alcoholic welcome drink for Mr and Mrs. Dhoni and immediate family members, Non-alcoholic fruit mocktails for relatives and friends)
It is worth noting that cricketing boards of all the test playing nations have unanimously agreed to the above proposed charter within a few minutes of it being floored.