As if not in the middle of a tornado recently, Indian Captain M.S.Dhoni once again created a furor of sorts by lodging complaint to BCCI against a list of people from various walks of life, including some of his team-men. Addressing a press conference, M.S.Dhoni came loaded with a 37 page chargesheet against 10 individuals, accusing them to have added to team India’s misery in recent times.
After the conference , the scribes asked Sharad Pawar for comments in regards to Dhoni’s press conference earlier in the day. The journos reported that they couldn’t clearly understand what Mr.Pawar mumbled, but they could get some hang of the words such as ‘Stupid’, ‘Non-sense’, ‘Very good’, ‘Dhoni’, ‘Full support’, ‘Money’, ‘Money’, ‘Good captain’, ‘Money’.
Here is a quick look at the list of people that Dhoni has lodged complaints against, and the reason of lodging complaint against each one of them (In quotes).
1). Gautam Gambhir: “Well, only a selfish person can care to bat for a full innings when every other batsman failed. That is merciless, inhuman, and careless. It hurt every other flopped batsman in the team. It’s like eating a 7 course meal in front of famished people”
2). Poonam Pandey: “Before the series, there were talks that Poonam Pandey will post topless pictures if we can avoid innings defeat against England for the tests at Mumbai and Kolkata. We all know what she did after the WC triumph. There is a limit to lying. She has crossed it. Afterall, how long will we go imagining things, than to finally see them in a picture?”
3). John Abraham: “Of course he is a good friend. He visits my home at Ranchi without any security check and no one stops him. But while I was batting in the second innings at Mumbai, I was defending well, but during the drinks break, I got a message that he arrived at my house earlier that day and scratched my bikes with a blade. I had to wrap my innings on the very next ball, took a flight to Mumbai and scratched his. Tit-for-tat. I am lodging this complaint so that it never happens again”
4). BJP: “I don’t understand what better proof do the BJP need in support of the FDI. I mean look at Katrina Kaif, Amy Jackson, Illegal Bangladeshi immigrants. Bollywood and poverty has made India famous all over the world, and that is because of these foreign imports”.
5). Rajnikant: “I don’t understand why he has never come to bowl in the nets and give us the much needed 210 kmph pace bowling practice or the vicious spitting cobras – spin bowling practice on glass pitches. You cant go on saying ‘Mindd itt, Rascalla, Bloody-Foolla” all the time. Its non-sense. It’s your birthday, but more importantly, it is a crucial match tomorrow, where are you?”
6). Saakshi Dhoni: “What can I say? I called Sanath Jayasuriya yesterday to take tips on how to resurrect my career like he did. He gave me a valuable hint. I can’t divulge the details”
7). Gabbar Singh: “In the second test match where the tide started to turn against us, we had 3 spinners, they had 2, phir bhi haar gaye. Who 2, aur hum 3. And the only sardaar to be khsush wasn’t in our team. I blame Gabbar’s legacy , that we followed it and lost the match”
8). Talaash: “Well, I have lodged a complaint against the producers and the film’s script writers. Initially I was told that the film is about a nationwide talent hunt for the new India captain. I felt this was my chance to get a break and play IPL free of the stress that national duties bring. But I watched the film yesterday and was disheartened to see I was lied to.”
9). Nasser Hussain: “Donkeys in Raanchi have not forgotten his comments about them on our last tour to England. I mean, its one thing to compliment Indian fielders by calling them donkeys, but its another thing to hurt animals and being cruel against them by comparing them to Indian fielders. I had a chat with Maneka Gandhi about it as well”
10). Faking News website: “Please don’t fall to believe that this site is all jokes and satire. I think it is run by a group of people who don’t want India to succeed. They publish real news, camouflaged as lies and satire. It is India’s answer to Wikileaks. It disturbs me to see as till what level they actually know things about me. Unethical!”