Saturday, 24th June, 2017

Dhoni alleges commentary assault by Shastri, gets him banned for Windies tour

09, Oct 2014 By Srivy Anand

Mumbai. The Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) announced that Ravi Shastri, who has been hired as Indian team’s Director till 2015 World Cup, will not be allowed to be near the squad in the upcoming home series against West Indies following a restraining order issued by the Delhi High court.

MS Dhoni
“He is an idiot”

The reason behind this development was believed to be Indian team captain, Dhoni’s complain to the BCCI alleging Shastri to have mentally assaulted him under the influence of alcohol.

Under the complain registered by Dhoni , he reported that he was stuck in an elevator at the team hotel with Ravi Shastri where the team director allegedly took undue advantage of the situation and mentally abused and assaulted Dhoni by starting to commentate.

He added that the oppressor was too violent on him as he repeatedly commentated on the status quo of the elevator until he passed out.

Our reporter pseudo intellect caught up with the elevator maintenance man who had overheard the account of events to have occurred in the elevator. The maintenance man recalled hearing shrill screams for help which ascended with time.

He also claims to have found deep scratch marks on the walls of the elevator which were believed to be of Dhoni’s as he tried frantically to escape the assault.

Dhoni had described the following order of events in his statement to the BCCI as he filed his complaint:

(Shastri and Dhoni after having a hefty dinner and a couple of drinks together, were heading back to their rooms. They walked to the elevator where Dhoni stopped.)

Dhoni: Ravi, I think I’m going to take the stairs to burn some calories on my way.

Ravi (in an inebriated state): What Mahi, afraid of taking the aerial route, eh? We’ll burn them tomorrow. For now come hop in and tell me which floor are you headed to?

Dhoni: The sixth one.

Ravi (pressed the 6 button) and (presses ‘6’ again): Consecutive Sixes! He exclaimed. (presses ‘6’ again): We’re dealing in Sixes at the moment (Suddenly, sparks flow from the button panel)

Ravi (completely unmoved): The atmosphere in the elevator is electric, and the noise is deafening. We should be in for a cracker!

(The elevator comes to a grinding halt, and the lights go off, plunging the elevator into darkness)

Dhoni(exasperated): Why did you do that Ravi?

Shastri: I take no half measures Mahi, when I flash, I flash hard.

Dhoni: There is not even a single point of phone signal here Ravi, what are we going to do?

Ravi: Not to worry, I’m a cool customer, with loads of experience.

(Shastri stands on his toes, reaches for the roof of the lift and pushes out a square panel)

Ravi : Just get the feeling that something’s gone down the elevator’s wire.

Dhoni (irritated by Shastri’s antics): Ravi, what are you trying to do?

Ravi: I know where exactly the boundary is. I have a few tricks up my sleeve! I am gonna give myself some room, pick my spot and go the distance!

Dhoni: Are you sure, Ravi? Have you done this before?

Ravi: Oh, I just have to play it with soft hands Mahi.

Dhoni(facepalms): For the love of God Ravi, stop it!

(Shastri puts his arm through the hole in the roof and gropes around in the dark)

Ravi: Up goes my finger here! Let’s see if we have something. (He finds nothing and withdraws his hand from the roof. Dhoni tries the microphone in the elevator for emergency contact)

Dhoni : Can anyone hear us? Please help us!

(Shastri grabs the microphone hand piece from Dhoni)

Ravi: Ladies and Gentlemen, the news from the center is that we are stuck in an elevator and we need help! We hope to see some live action shortly!

(Dhoni in disbelief, vents his anger at the elevator’s wall. They wait impatiently as no response is obtained from the other end)

Dhoni: Do you think they heard us? I’m getting a bad feeling that we aren’t going to survive this one.

Ravi: At this stage, I think all the 4 results are possible.

(Dhoni curses himself for asking him. Suddenly the elevator starts to move, making a jeering sound. Dhoni crouches across the wall of the elevator with his eyes closed in fear)

Ravi: He goes big! It’s in the air! Will he go all the way? No! He’s mistimed it! Someone is coming under it, and IT IS TAKEN!

(Dhoni begins to scream and leaps to climb the sides of the elevator using his fingernails, leaving deep scratch marks on the walls of the elevator and soon loses consciousness and falls down flat on the floor of the elevator. The elevator comes to standstill again and the door opens)

Ravi (joyously): This is just what the doctor ordered!

(Shastri steps out of the elevator and stands goes straight to the people and the hotel staff ahead of him.)

Ravi: Ladies and Gentlemen, we’ve had a fabulous 35 minutes in the elevator, over 300 words were exchanged as two truly competitive guys went hard at each other, without giving as much as an inch, and it can only be said that in the end, the friendship between Dhoni and me is the real winner!

Dhoni was later attended by the paramedics as he watched Shastri waltzing into his room, in disbelief.