Sunday, 19th November, 2017

Cricket to go vegetarian in India

09, Apr 2017 By jacarsm

New Delhi: In a new India where cow vigilantism is a booming activism, the game of cricket will be going vegetarian is the latest development if sources are to be believed. Apparently, it is proving to be a nightmare to the organizers and prayers are being offered for successful completion of IPL, 2017 according to our source.

In a recently organised interview according to the Throne Person, Mr. Thakur of a Gau Rakshak group of a north Indian state and who is always seen with a scepter made of bamboo in hand to bash up anyone thinking ‘yummy’ instead of ‘mummy’ about a cow, ‘the respect of mummy cow is going to be extended beyond the kitchen and will spill over to the sports arena especially in cricket.’

When asked ‘how is cricket and mummy cow related’ by the correspondent this correspondent, Mr. Thakur started with moist eyes and yelled ‘are you blind?’ and pointed at him with his bamboo scepter nearly touching the correspondent’s nose.  ‘It is very unfortunate that learned people like you are not aware that mummy cow’s skin is used in cricket game as balls to be hit around here and there. How can you digest that’ he added and started sobbing. ‘It is very disgracing to see also the corelationship between the harder the hit, greater run rule of the game, this cannot continue to mummy’s skin and it has to end’ he added. A loud cheer by the followers who by now had gathered in large number echoed… Gai Mataki Jai ….!

On being asked his alternative suggestions about cricket balls, Mr. Thakur said ‘there are so many possibilities as there are many vegetables that are round shaped like cricket balls. Take for example.. there is this called potato, … you know alu, which the Portuguese introduced in India?’ Why can’t we work on genetically modifying them and making them useable in games and spots, we have to go beyond food concept  or just potato race for children you know’ he said with a smile. ‘In cricket if the potato splits during game it can be called a split shot, and if it gets smashed it can be called a smash shot, and runs given accordingly… rules can always be formulated to meet the need of times’ he added. From the crowd a man in turban suddenly cried our ‘it will also create market for potato growers as there will be lots of potatoes used in the game.’

‘SILENCE..’ he said by raising his bamboo scepter to calm the excitement of his followers. ‘Further …further’ he said ‘those players who bowl and lick the balls not only disrespect our belief but also the very concept of mother. Do you lick your mother?’ he said looking furious. ‘It is not just religion, culture, tradition or practice, it is also philosophical you know’ he said. The followers again echoed ‘Mataji ki Jai, Gai Mataki jai….. Cricket Stadium challo…. IPL khel bhand karo..…’ A police team had to be called in to manage the crowd.

In the mean time the officials of the IPL, 2017 refused to answer any question related to the above matter. Their contact number was switched off after two rings.