Sunday, 18th March, 2018

Cricket fan shocks the world by not writing about Sachin

06, Nov 2013 By dhvanilraval

S.T. Ramesh (name changed), a so-called ardent fan of the gentleman’s game has recently shocked the entire world by posting a cricket-related article on his blog which did not talk about Sachin Tendulkar.

‘The article was initially ignored by everyone because a draft of Sachin’s first ever interview was doing its rounds on Facebook, but then the fellow started marketing it shamelessly! That is when it became offensive,’ said a not-so-popular sport journalist.

Even the kids were surprised

The article has offended a lot of communities, most importantly the religious ones, who consider Sachin to be God. One of them, an advocate at the Bombay High Court filed a Public Interest Litigation, but was extremely saddened when he realized that a judgment was not necessarily possible before Sachin’s 200th Test. ‘We were planning to lynch him (the blogger) as a ritual tribute,’ he explained disappointedly.

Digvijay Singh, speaking on behalf of the UPA, appeased the fanatics, pointing out that such disregard for non-Hindu religions can only be possessed by a supporter of Narendra Modi. Kapil Sibal also gave a statement, citing the article as an example of bad influence, and suggesting ways to curb the freedom given to people on social media.

The cricketing community is in shock as well. Noted cricket analyst Boria Majumdar, who is well-known for his loudness was ironically left speechless after the incident. While many popular cricketing figures refused comment, Vinod Kambli came out in strong support of the blogger, quoting freedom of speech. ‘He is retiring after his 200th test match, this is just the 199th!’ explained an irate Kambli, before English grammar left him.

Back in Kolkata, MS Dhoni expressed greater concern over a misspelling of Sachin’s name, ‘Today it is just a blog that forgets to mention him. Tomorrow we might have a blog that spells his name wrong as well,’ he noted.

As outrage against the article trended on Twitter, Bollywood did not hold back. Popular method actor Aamir Khan called the article an outrage and contemplated a social movement against it. ‘By the way,’ Aamir added, ‘watch out for me riding a bike in Dhoom 3 this December.’ Hrithik Roshan compared the blogger to the villain, ‘Kaal’ of his latest super-hero flick Krrish 3, before dancing to a popular tune from the movie to please the fans. Salman Khan could not be reached as he was busy offering script advice to the writers of Bigg Boss 7.

Meanwhile, the blogger who had been absconding for two hours after most people got offended was caught for a comment after Arnab Goswami flooded his Facebook wall with a hundred different versions of “India deserves an answer”.

‘I just wanted a change from this monotony’, said Ramesh before shyly admitting his feelings for Darren Sammy. He immediately changed his tone to a more politically correct one afterwards, saying that it was just an attention seeking stunt.

Ramesh’s parents, who supported their son vociferously before social media overwhelmed them, have woefully accepted their son’s mistake. Amidst tears, Ramesh promised to write a moving apology as soon as possible, before timidly asking how the great man, Sachin Tendulkar himself felt about all of this. He hasn’t yet received an answer, since the persons concerned did not want to disturb Sachin by asking for his opinion.

For more politically incorrectly correct and funny musings about social media, the internet amd other generally awesome things, the author ‘suggests’