Thursday, 22nd March, 2018

BCCI to do away with Openers in Test matches

24, Feb 2013 By obsoletevodka

In yet another masterstroke move, the BCCI is now planning to do away with the concept of having two opening batsmen for the Indian team in test matches, after the end of test series against Australia.

The decision has been arrived at after looking at the performances of India’s opening batsmen for the last two many years.  Sources within the BCCI have said that this move will remove the needless controversy over which of the two opening batsmen they need to drop every alternate series. Also, it will save BCCI some money as these two players will not need to be paid any salary.

“See, every series….everyone keeps putting pressure on BCCI on who to pick and who to drop (which obviously, we don’t bother about). Look at Jaffer who had a very great Ranji series. We didn’t pick him. Or look at Rahane, he has been made to sit on the bench, because we need bench strength. And with either Sehwag or Gambhir or Vijay not scoring any runs, you can see the facts as to why we have come to this decision”, the source said.

But when asked about Sehwag’s century in the last series and Gambhir’s scores of 80’s and 90’s occasionally, the source said “See, these are like Presidential assent to hangings in India. They don’t happen too often. But when they do, they happen quickly. Like how Kasab and Afzal were hanged within three months of each other.”

But who will open then? “See, again, the openers are like the Indian President. It’s only a ceremonial post. Everyone knows they can’t do anything, except occasionally, like the hangings”, the source said.

The BCCI is also worried about the impact the quick loss of openers is having on the No.3 and Sachin. “See, when Dravid was playing, he used to pad up first ahead of the opening batsmen, because he always knew that he will have to go into bat as early as the 2nd ball of the innings. Pujara is taking sometime to adjust to this concept. And Sachin is nearing his retirement….(“no…pls don’t write this line. I might lose my job”) he is also unable to take a 5 -minute break before he pads up. So we wanted to do away with all this uncertainty in the minds of the No.3 and 4 batsmen, so that they are mentally prepared”.

So instead of having 2 opening batsmen, India are likely to get the No.3 and No.4 batsmen to open.  The source also indicated that India will have the option of going in with two substitutes instead of the two regular openers while fielding. The two substitutes will then bowl or bat at the tail-end and to make up the overall team of 14, the team will have two substitutes for the substitutes.

When asked if  Dhoni accepted this proposal, the source had this to say- “See, Sreeni mama (as he’s called down South) has made him an employee of India Cements, so Dhoni has become Sreenivasan’s employee. So he has to listen to the boss, no?”

“What about the ICC? How will you get the approval for all this ridiculous plans”?

The source just replied- “What is this ICC …ICC you are talking about?”