Monday, 21st August, 2017

B-School’s action-plan to make Bengal Left-Front trendy and aggressive; especially using IPL and Bengali pride

05, Jun 2014 By Goparaju V. Ramesh

A top business-school, as per very reliable sources, has seen a magnificent opportunity, to give a wonderful makeover to the Bengal Left-front, in the recently held IPL finals between KKR and KXIP, especially in its score-card,  so that it can make Left-front become trendy and more aggressive to take on the juggernaut of Trinamool Congress.

It wishes to come up with such tactics on a day-to-day basis without leaving any issue remain untouched until the coffers of Communists become fully empty while filling the B-school’s bank-account.

In fact, its recipe is much broader as shown below (It is just a preamble to the Preliminary Report. The actual preliminary report follows later) :

  1. In this jet-speed T20 era, the left front’s time-TESTed old-fashioned people’s issues, like land-reforms, proletariat problems, rich-poor divide, etc, would no longer help them to win any votes.
  2. The bourgeoisie parties should be defeated by using their own tactics. It should use more in-things like Cricket, KFC, Social-Networking, Cloud Computing etc. to penetrate into the society to usher in the Modern Marxist revolution in this more urbanised society so that the dictatorship of proletariat (version 2.0) can be established at the earliest in this digital society built on Burger, Twitter and Computer in the cloud. (However, Communist leaders need not compromise on their principles after winning elections. After coming back to power, they can take this digital society back to their good old analog zone of 2nd world. But, till then, they should use all methods to defeat the so-called revisionists and reactionaries. After all, they cannot use violent conflagrations for they are committed to legislative and peaceful methods to bring in Communism.)
  3. More importantly, they should use Bengali pride to win over the Bengal. Once Bengal is regained, it is not that difficult to restore its power in its other erstwhile bastions.

At the bottom of this preamble – as it is often done in the B-School project-reports – they created a small scenario involving the high-yield, but ephemeral, IPL tide and everlasting Bengali pride for their action plan.

In this scenario, they want Left-front chairman Biman Bose to participate. They argue that unless the top-management, err! the top proletariat-leadership commitment to the strategies/tactics is visible, public won’t believe their dedication to this venerable cause.

Now, the scene:

Scene setting: A Press conference called by Left-Front chairman, Biman Bose.

The points to exploit: A purported glaring mistake in Score-card of IPL Finals, Bengali Pride.

Direct Hit: BCCI

Indirect, but more important, Target: State Government headed by Trinamool Congress.

/* Begin of the actual scene */

The Left-front chief Mr. Biman Bose should thunder “It’s a great disgrace to amaar shonar Bangla. Amaar Mishti Kolkata team won by not just a mere run, as shown in the IPL score-card prepared by capitalists and their chamchas, but by 231 runs over Punjab team in the finals of IPL-7. I ask what our CM is doing when such a damaging thing happened in the arithmetic, which dented our pride to a great extent. Huh! It is a shame if she goes and celebrates with the team until our pride is restored. It should be corrected by any means. Otherwise, we would call all our cadres, who have been feeling jobless since 16th May, to come on to the streets and protest.”

When reporters get puzzled, he should clarify his point this way with clenched fists “When we can treat Shahrukh & Gautam as our Bangla family members, how can we leave our own shona Wridhiman / Papali. (‘Papali’ is very important. The nicknames carry sincerity and conviction). His 115 runs, that they are showing in Punjab innings in the score-card, should, in fact, be accounted to the credit of Kolkata only.”

The reaction from reporters for this is also anticipated by the B-School team in advance. Rather, they plant a reporter in the congregation to ask the subsequent question, which would enable Left-front to show their now-acquired trendy and witty side replacing otherwise dull Left-front’s run-of-the mill responses involving mostly red-slogans and lal-salaams.

When one reporter, who knows the nitty-gritty of Cricket tries to donate some Cricket gyan to Bose by telling “How can it be, dada? A team, batting second, cannot win by number of runs, it can only do by number of wickets and by number of balls to spare.”

Then, a Party worker should rush towards Mr. Bose and should try to whisper something in his right ear. But, Biman Bose, being such a committed leftist, should turn 180 degrees and offer his left ear to his whispers. (Note: It shows that they are not compromising on their leftist-orientations in spite of such temptations. The fact that he is lending his ear to a junior level functionary also conveys that they have opened and enabled the novel vertical communication channels in their new set-up for better interactions between grassroot (the actual trinamool) party workers and proletarian leaders.)

Then, finally Biman Bose should reply with his tongue firmly in his left (left again …) cheek (B-School has provided a rehearsal session too about it. It doesn’t cost much. Only 43, 998 extra, of course in US $ ) with a broad grin on his face “Then, let them modify that Punjab lost by 231 runs”, and should end the press-conference.

/* End of Scene */

After seeing Left-front’s response for this report, err! preamble-to-its-preliminary-report, the B-School would like to decide on going ahead with its consultancy services, involving other important and pressing issues, like Burger, Twitter and Cloud Computing, etc., to the Left to pierce the strong armour of Trinamool to regain its lost plot, story, screenplay and more importantly its proletarian glory.