Tuesday, 27th June, 2017

Riots broke in Gujarat in quest for cow urine

22, Jul 2016 By varunsundars

‘Indiana Jones and the Liquid Gold’: Following reports that a significant amount of gold traces is present in the urine of Gir cows of Gujarat, the state is on the verge of second big riot. Already people have started running around in the state trying to catch each and every drop of cow’s urine before they hit the ground! This was in turn further supplemented by host of people flocking from all over the country in the quest to conquer the liquid gold like what we say in a typical Indiana Jones movie!

Photo of the alleged Gir cows!
Photo of the alleged Gir cows!

Nemo’s Threat:

This mass migration caused a huge traffic jam on all of the National highway roads, crashing the IRCTC website as usual leaving Gujarat look like Tirumala Temple! With limited stock of Gir cows and 4 to 5 men fighting to capture its urine a mass riot broke out in the entire state. PM Nemo has requested the public to refrain from entering Gujarat and even threatened to export all the Gir cows to US or some European country as he normally does if situation goes out of control. Gujarat Gir cow’s milkman Association has strictly condemned this incident and stated that it will file a plea in Supreme court if anyone manages to touch any of the cows maintained by their union members. Delhi CM Kejriwal suspended this report saying he needs to examine the medical certificate of cows to believe it!

‘GHAR LAO GIR’S MOOTR’ Package:

Several state’s Tourism Corporations along with some private tour operators have already started “GAR LAO GIR’S MOOTR”, an exclusive tourism package that promises to take tourists all over the state of Gujarat until they manage to catch atleast one litre of this liquid gold! This news has driven up the sales of Patanjali’s cow urine based products. Meanwhile Baba Ramdev has clarified that its urine-based floor-cleaner product “Gaunyle” is not extracted from Gir cows and hence it may not be held responsible for not containing gold. Meanwhile BJP’s Subramanian Swamy who serves in India’s Upper House said that he wasn’t satisfied with existing cow-protection efforts and the PM must assume responsibility at least for this riot and step down if not for the first one.

Image of Gaunyle- a cow urine based product
Image of Gaunyle- a cow urine based product

Gold may become Old:

The price of Gold dropped by a historical margin of more than 75% following the possibility of preparing gold from cow’s waste very soon. Hence Gold traders and shop owners are thinking of possibility of exporting their jewelry or open shops abroad where cows are not present. Banks have asked people to pay their loans soon and stopped giving gold loans as they suspect that soon the gold that were pledged with them may become valueless! Indian Millionaires and Billionaires have started investing their black money on Platinum and Diamonds and are keen to sell the gold biscuits buried at their backyard at competitive prices!

Chaotic Scenes:

There was absolute chaos in Gujarat as hundreds of men chased a humble little cow as she had no place to hide from greedy people. At this point of time schedules of leading astrologers also seemed jam packed as people were seen mocking the astrologers’ offices and even their houses in the pursuit to know when exactly their gir cow pees! But now the people had even started taking clues from the animals’ movements and are actively trying to identify patterns in urination. Here it is to be mentioned that the scene looked absolutely bizarre as we have accustomed to only see people being chased by buffaloes in Bull fights and now it is happening the other way round!