Thursday, 24th August, 2017

Patanjali launches "Gau Airlines"

26, Jun 2017 By alien4dec

New Mumbai: Baba Ramdev ventured recently into airlines industry with his “GAU Airlines”. Speaking to Ronny our Fakingnews reporter, maiden flyer of Gau Airlines,Angela shared her experience. She said, “Already I had a bad start with the confiscation of favourite ciggy lighter at the security check-in which I forgot in my jeans but sooner I was excited to experience the Digital Boarding Pass issued, as I recollected once losing my boarding pass and the nightmare”.

“First blow I got was riding the Bullock cart. Yes ! we were taken to the Airplane via bullock carts and were given a hand fan since they wanted to promote green energy flights with no AC. Air-hostess garbed in khadi orange robes while hosts were in South Indian lungis, who welcomed us with a smiling Namaste”.

The first flight of Gau Arilines
The first flight of Gau Arilines

“The voyage started with a coconut breaking ritual and pilot chanting “Jai Shree Ram” before the flight departure. I was starving to death and ordered a Chicken Keema Noodles, to which the air hostess replied,“It’s a pure veg flight. I can offer you vegetable atta noodles in mud cutleries where as we provide RO water from KENT purifier installed in all flights”.

“Further, I asked if she can help me locate reading light switch, to which she handed over a solar lantern for reading. I was absolutely distressed and wrathfully asked, “Are you flying with Jet fuel or Gobar gas?”.

She smiled sarcastically and said, “We don’t fly with bio gas, but you can surely purchase cow dung compost for your plants, holy cow urine and other patanjali merchandise on board”.

“Infant crying noise annoys me the most and ape faced infant piglets Oops triplets I meant, who were on board adding to my stress and exasperation with their fat ass buffalo mom and a loser, career-less, a**-hole, maid cum house husband. Rather fulfilling my demand for an ear plug, air-hostess showed me the meditation cabinet for tranquillity”.

“Suddenly, the flight was performing intense acrobatics, turning left and right and all started praying to Lord, until the air hostess announced, “Please donot panic, today Baba Ramdev himself has boarded the flight and teaching mid air yogas to our pilot.”

I got a shock of my life and sweared to never fly Gau Airlines again in my entire life, since it was meant only for bigoted flunkee. I never believe in forgiveness and took my revenge by being a frequent flyer of “OSHO Airlines“.