Friday, 20th October, 2017

Aadhaar matchmaking through Aadhaarscope

04, Jun 2017 By MrIndia

The central government tabled a single line item bill today in Lok Sabha that mandates people to use Aadhaar based Aadhaarscope to pick brides and grooms.

Aadharoscope
Aadharscope

The finance minister called it a money bill since weddings involve spending. All MPs voted in favour of the bill around 3 pm. However, two minutes before voting the finance minister sneaked in 342 amendments (1445 pages) to the one page bill, which nobody could read. FM said he didn’t want to burden the stupid MPs with the trouble of reading so many pages. The first amendment levied 28% GST on weddings. Another amendment made it conditional on the groom to gift two danish cows to his father-in-law. The finance minister said the PM will visit New Zealand as part of his 195-nation tour, to lecture about how to gently milk cows.

The Home Minister joined the press conference and announced Aadhaar is easy to get. It requires no documents. It is not a proof of citizenship. It doesn’t carry proof of your address. It doesn’t carry your correct date of birth, your signature can be blank, your photo remains unchanged for 98 years. In other words, it is pretty much useless! But it costs only Rs.100 and therefore it is the perfect document for everyone. Pakistani government fully agreed with his statements.

Those having mangal dosha in Aadhaarscope shall perform special pooja to Lord Modishwara and overcome the defects. People of TamilNadu are permitted to do pooja to Lord Rajinishwara.

HM said People of Meghalaya and Arunachal Pradesh are exempted from Aadhaar matchmaking, since Chinese government did not give permission. The Railway minister too joined the press conference. He announced that all Indians must carry Aadhaarscope, PAN, voter-id, driving licence, old college-id, mark sheets. However, foreigners are exempt – they are privileged to carry only their passports. The attorney general jumped in and pointed out that, unlike foreigners, Indians are useful idiots and they have no bodily integrity. The Useful Idiots Database Authority of India (UIDAI) chairman reassured that the Aadharscope database is safe because only 75% of it has been leaked so far. He promised that the database will be sold only to foreign companies.

The only objection against Aadhaarscope came from one legal scholar. She wrote in The Hindu that the system is ripe for abuse and exploitation. But who needs those intellectuals in our country, they do nothing but talk about some esoteric constitution.